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4th and Krol: Week 10 Picks! Get Em While They’re Hot!

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Week Ten: Bigger than Big Ben!

Week Ten: Bigger than Big Ben!

D.T.: So, Krol, what deal did you make with the devil to boost your picks from week nine? We’re tied up now, and I can’t think of an earthly reason why. I kid, of course, but there were some fucking wacky games this week, and out of 13 match-ups, I picked an astounding four of them correctly. This season has been fucked up, and it’s only getting more fucked up.

BMK: I’m with you, DT. This season has been fucked up. But the important part is that I’m neck and neck with you, Mr. I Actually Know Things about Football. So ha!

On to the picks!

———-

BILLS at JETS

D.T.: I don’t get this division. The only thing that ever makes any sense is the Patriots, and that’s depressing.

"I find it incredibly exhilarating. Can you tell?"

“I find it incredibly exhilarating. Can you tell?”

Last week, both Tyrod Taylor and Sammy Watkins returned to the field, and mopped the floor with the Dolphins. This week they go against another divisional rival, and try to do the same to Rex Ryan’s old team. Which team will Rex be coaching when he takes on the Bills next season? I’m at a loss trying to make heads or tails of the Dolphins, Bills and Jets. If I was a serious fan of these teams, I’d be exhausted by now. My pick?

JETS
BMK: I’m going with the Jets also. Mostly because Sexy Rexy irritates me and I think Ryan Fitzpatrick has the most epic beard in the NFL right now. So there’s no way they can lose. NONE!

JETS
———-

LIONS at PACKERS

D.T.: Now here’s a division that makes sense. The Packers are great and always will be. The Vikings will always sneak up and try to upset. The Bears and Lions are destined to be terrible for a while yet, regardless of who Detroit fires in their rage-quit.

PACKERS

BMK: When I think of the Lions, I picture a diminutive Martha Ford walking through the offices like the Angel of Death of the old testament, firing people willy-nilly, while Jim Caldwell cowers in his office, like Linda Hamilton in the first Terminator. If I’m feeling especially perverse, I picture Ford walking up to Caldwell and laying a “I pardon you,” on him like Ralph Fiennes did in Schindler’s List, and then just walking away.

Yeah, this football column made a Schindler’s List and Terminator reference.

Yeah, this guy just SCREAMS master race, doesn't he?

Yeah, this guy just SCREAMS master race, doesn’t he?

———-

COWBOYS at BUCCANEERS

D.T.: I may have lost my ability to see who will win, but I’ve been right on the money about which games will be spectacles, for good or bad. The Cowboys/Eagles game ended up being an shootout that went into overtime, with both QBs firing off passes for nearly 300 yards a piece. More on that later. For now, expect this game to be another weird one, because neither of these teams are predictable. Both boast QBs who are more than solid on a good day, terrible the next, and runners who can be absolutely explosive if they can break loose. I’m gonna go with the Cowboys, just because Matt Cassel shocked the shit out of me last week.

I mean, the dude can't even aim straight when he's kissing his wife.

I mean, the dude can’t even aim straight when he’s kissing his wife.

COWBOYS

BMK: Good God, this game is a dilemma. I’ve been burned taking both of these teams.  DT lays the case against both pretty well up there. Me?  I’m pretty anti Cowboys right now, so that’s as good a reason as any to pick Tampa Bay.

Incidentally, I originally called this game a Hobbesian choice. HOWEVER, research showed me that having to make a choice between two shitty football teams is not a Hobbesian choice. A Hobbesian choice is a choice between something and nothing. So, for example, a Hobbesian choice would be me choosing to not date anyone else besides Kat Dennings.

"He has NO chance!"

“This is my ‘He has no chance’ dance.”

BUCCANEERS

———-

PANTHERS at TITANS

D.T.: I mean, seriously. The Titans knocked off the fuckin’ Saints, and Mariota out-threw Drew Brees?! Fuck you, Ken Whisenhunt. The Titans were out to make a statement last week, and they made it: you won’t be the head coach of another NFL team for a long time. However, that statement may be cut short when they come up against the Panthers this week – the team who took down the Packers and held on to an 8-0 record. The Titans will fight hard, but they’re outmatched this week.

PANTHERS

BMK: Cam Newton is a sociopath, but he should be able to beat the Titans. Remember the Titans?

No, not you a-holes.

No, not you a-holes.

PANTHERS

———-

BEARS at RAMS

D.T.: The Rams found themselves in a nail-biter of a dirty match against the Vikings last week. In their quest to destroy every Quarterback they cross, they managed to knock Teddy Bridgewater out cold, leaving everyone watching stunned and concerned for that little guy’s safety. Minnesota would come back to secure a narrow win after giving the Rams the kick-off in overtime. I don’t know which hurt more: Teddy’s severe concussion, or Foles knowing that team did not fear him at all.

"Uh...t he severe concussion."

“Uh…the severe concussion.”

This week, the Rams and Bears square off, and Jay Cutler might actually be murdered on the field.

RAMS

BMK: I hate picking teams that I despise, and I despise the Rams.  Yet, I can’t take the Bears. The Monsters of the Midway suck this year, and will for the foreseeable future. The Rams are on the upswing, which means that scumbag Greg Williams is still employed.

RAMS

———-

SAINTS at REDSKINS

D.T.: The educated guess on this one goes to the Saints, but could either of these two teams be any more difficult to read? Their fans have had a tough time of it, too. The Who Dats prematurely accept defeat every week, while the Redskins were so amped over a one point win in week 7 that a small culture phenomenon sprouted in DC, completely with t-shirts and a catchphrase.

"It doesn't matter if D.T. don't like that. I like that and you like that."

“It doesn’t matter if D.T. don’t like that. I like that and you like that.”

The Saints really need a win after last week. I think they’ll get it.

SAINTS

BMK: Oh, who cares?

I mean, BESIDES this guy...

I mean, BESIDES this guy...

SAINTS

———-

DOLPHINS at EAGLES

D.T.: Things were looking up for the ‘Fins after they fired Coach Philbin. They had some nice, soft wins over the Titans and Texans… but it all came crashing down after they were mercilessly pummeled by the Patriots in week eight, and I don’t think they’ve recovered. This week, I see them continuing on that downslope and losing to an Eagles team still working to widen the gap in their division, and find themselves an identity.

EAGLES

BMK: The Eagles are going to commit Battery on Dantellica’s Dolphins. The game will be so bade, that Nothing Else Matters except ending it. The Dolphins can ask St. Anger for help, but there is no St. Anger, so they’ll end up just being Frantic during the game.  Here’s hoping that the Eagles don’t Kill Em All.

And finally: Master of Puppets.

EAGLES

PS: If you don’t get what I’m doing up there, it’s simple. Miami Dolphins coach, Dan Campbell, only listens to Metallica. Which is, quite frankly, a baffling lifestyle choice. Anyway, those are Metallica song titles up there. Read the paragraph again with this new knowledge and I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. And if not, you can send your complaints to DTCarel@Gmail.com

"Yeah-ah! We made it into 4th and Krol-ah!"

“Yeah-ah! We made it into 4th and Krol-ah!”

———-

BROWNS at STEELERS

D.T.: If ever the Browns had a chance at getting in some nice jabs at their dominating rival, this is it. Cheeseburger is out with yet another leg injury, and while Landry has proven himself a better QB2 than Vick, that offense is still not what it is without Ben and Le’Veon. The Browns will get in a few digs, but I expect the Steelers to figure out a way to win, as losing at home to the Browns is basically not an option  (sorry, Mangy).

STEELERS

BMK: If Cheeseburger plays, the Steelers are going to win. If Landry Jones plays, the Steelers are going to win. Hell, if I played the Steelers are going to win.

Actually, they probably won’t if I play, but you get the idea…

STEELERS

———-

JAGUARS at RAVENS

D.T.: Anticipation for this game is deader than the dude Ray Lewis definitely probably maybe didn’t have a hand in murdering.

"I have no idea what D.T. is referring to."

“I have no idea what D.T. is referring to.”

RAVENS

BMK: Speaking of Ray Lewis and things that are dead, word is that Ray Ray is dropping a hot track on the world next week. That should be wonderful.

Oh? So what’s dead? Simple: my interest in music.

RAVENS

———-

VIKINGS at RAIDERS

D.T.: With Teddy probably out (cold, hahahaha!) for week 10, this is the Raiders game to win or lose. They came really close to beating the Steelers next week, and keep solidifying themselves as a team on the rise. They’re gonna keep going with that, this week.

RAIDERS

BMK: Around the East Bay, anticipation is higher for this game than Donald Faison was at Zach Braff’s bar mitzvah.

"See? You're a man now, Zach."

“See? You’re a man now, Zach.”

Even though they burned me last week, I’m taking the Raiders. Especially since Bridgewater hasn’t cleared concussion protocols yet.  And by the way, the hit on Bridgewater was absolutely dirty.

RAIDERS

———-

PATRIOTS at GIANTS

D.T.: Has the guy in charge of NFL scheduling been checked for a signs of a stroke lately?

PATRIOTS

BMK: This game reminds me of that scene in Pulp Fiction where Jules is telling Ringo about his philosophy. See, I want to believe that the Giants will beat the Patriots, but that shit aint so. But I’m trying…I’m trying really hard.

Aaaaand it’s gone.

PATRIOTS

———-

CHIEFS at BRONCOS

D.T.: Denver’s match-up with Indy last week was 99% psychological, and there was no other way it could have been, despite the current status of both teams. Each time the Broncos have visited “The House That Manning Built”, the Colts have made it their mission to make a statement, and especially so after the firing of Pep Hamilton (you’re welcome for that, America). The game was close, and could have been a Denver win had Aqib Talib not unintentionally walked right over to Dwayne Allen, interrupted his conversation with Von Miller and placed his fingers through his facemask and into his right eye.

"Well, when you say it like THAT..."

“Well, when you say it like THAT…”

So, the Broncos are going to have to face their Kansas City rivals without the cornerback who’s been responsible for more wins this season than Peyton Manning. And with the track record of difficult and stressful games between Denver and KC, they’re going to feel his absence. Still, Denver has a commanding lead in the AFC West, so the pressure of winning this game isn’t as heavy as it could be. Their biggest obstacle on Sunday will be containing the Chiefs run game (which is still effective, without Jamaal Charles) and getting their own going (which is firmly in the toilet).

BRONCOS

BMK: DTs going to be at this game. So I’m going with the Chiefs. Because I’m an A-HOLE!

CHIEFS

———-

CARDINALS at SEAHAWKS

D.T.: Bias aside, anyone who isn’t excited about this match-up and calling it their game of the week is either ignorant about the sport, or a Niners fan. Which, coincidentally, are synonymous.

"What? Nah, brah. I been a Raiders fan my whole life!"

“What? Nah, brah. I been a Raiders fan my whole life!”

The Seahawks are still at the top of the NFC West food chain, and until someone else knocks them off, they’ll stay that way in the eyes of everyone. To be the team that dethrones them, the Cardinals will have to accomplish two things: pressure Russell Wilson by destroying that ailing Seattle O-Line, and pressuring Seattle’s receivers even harder. Much of Seattle’s success this season has come from opposing defensive backs giving up on coverage, thinking Wilson will get sacked. That’s exactly what Seattle wants, and pressuring Wilson into throwing imperfect passes to well-covered Seattle receivers will win this game. It’s up to Arizona to decide if they want to be that team, or go into Seattle with the yips and let the ‘Hawks run their usual tricks.

CARDINALS

BMK: Can I be honest? (I don’t know…can you?) I don’t know if I’m even going to watch this game. I’m not sure my heart can take it.

But, with my serious football analyst hat on (shut up), I think I’m going with the Seahawks to win this game.  I think the Cardinals, on the whole, are a better team than the Seahawks, but this game is a prime time game and it’s against a team that’s eaten their lunch the last few years.  Not a good combination for this team.

DT spells out how AZ can beat them on the podcast, but it’s easier said than done. I’m not optimistic that they can. But then again, when am I optimistic about this team?  Answer: never.

SEAHAWKS

———-

TEXANS at BENGALS

D.T.: …and a not so great week ends with a whimper. The only advantage the Texans have this week is that they’re coming off a bye week. I’m sure JJ Watt would love to get some sacks on the Red Rifle, but any Texan victories this week will be individual marks.

BENGALS

BMK: Really?

There's more than one player on the Texans...oh wait, no there's not.

There’s more than one player on the Texans…oh wait, no there’s not.

BENGALS

———-

D.T.: And now I’m off to Denver, Colorado for a long weekend of breweries, women with really nice asses, and I also get to see Peyton Manning break the all-time record for passing yardage… from 30 rows off the field. Hopefully. He’s managed to survive this long into the season, and I hope to the Football Gods that he survives this game, too. And if the Broncos win, he’ll have secured the record for the most wins by a starting QB in league history, as well. I’m rooting for you, Peyton.

"Hey, you're alright, D.T. -- I'll buy you a beer and only piss in it a little bit."

“Hey, you’re alright, D.T. — I’ll buy you a beer and only piss in it a little bit.”

Thanks for reading folks, and have a good week!

Back on...um...even.

Back on…um…even.

 

BMK: On Friday, November 13, 2015, the column was running late. Believe it or not, we do have internal deadlines for this stuff, and DT always makes his.  I made a mental note to get to work at 3pm, after I took the dogs out and played some of the new Call of Duty game. When 3pm rolled around, I checked Facebook as one last time suck before I went to work on the column you’re reading now. That’s when I got word of what happened in Paris.

Living in this country, you become sort of sanguine about mass deaths and shootings in public places. But, for some reason, this hit me hard. Maybe it’s because I’m 40 now and I have an appreciation for life that younger men don’t have, or maybe it was the picture of Paris after 9/11, when they displayed an American Flag outside the Eiffel Tower in a show of solidarity. I honestly don’t know why this hit me harder than any similar events. But it did. Getting up off the couch to be a smartass about football and ogle Kat Dennings seemed like a hollow pursuit. Hell, I didn’t even feel like making fun of Jon Gruden, and to quote Robin Williams, there’s a guy that’s screaming out to be made fun of.

There’s no uplifting end here. I don’t want to bore anyone with some silly bullshit about the unifying and uplifting power of sports, since I don’t think it applies here. I will say that listening to Deadspin’s podcast Deadcast sort of brought me back.  Hearing Drew Magary and Tim Marchman get cheeky about Mizzou and Greg Hardy uplifted my spirits, as did a recording session with the new voice of the 4th and Krol Podcast, Alexandria Love. However, I’m not French and I’ve never been to Paris. Hell, I’m not even a fan of Eagles of Death Metal, the concert that was attack in Paris. So, of course I got over this quicker than some.

To call this a senseless act perpetrated by criminals would be an insulting understatement. Of course it is. All that’s left for us is to pick up and move on. To the 140 or so that aren’t with us anymore because some dipshit with a gun got a hardon, all I can say is that I’m sorry. I hope there’s justice for you and your family. Maybe there will be. But all the justice in the world won’t bring anyone back.

Anyway, I’ll stop here before this gets anymore Mcweeny-y and maudlin. I just wanted to get these things off my chest.

Vaya con dios, my friends.

2000px-Civil_and_Naval_Ensign_of_France.svg

Written by B. Michael Krol

November 14, 2015 at 7:19 pm

4th and Krol Podcast: Week 10

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We got a new podcast for ya’ll! This week, we cover Jerry Jones and his loveable sidekick Greg Hardy. Oh what hilarious misadventures are those two going to get into this week! Also, we talk about the state of the Carson City Stadium project, we breakdown the Seahawks Cardinals game, and we answer the mystery on everyone’s mind: why isn’t DT on any social media.

Hope you enjoy it!

"This guy...this guy ALWAYS listens to 4th and Krol."

“This guy…this guy ALWAYS listens to 4th and Krol.”

Written by B. Michael Krol

November 14, 2015 at 12:44 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

4th and Krol Podcast: Week Nine!

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Hi All…

On this week’s podcast, we discuss what will happen when Bryan’s President, does Peyton Manning pay attention to the media (spoiler alert: he does), and DT goes OFF on Ken Whisenhunt.  Also, we ask that age-old question: why the hell does Dez Bryant own a monkey. Plus the usual off-topic tangents and sports nonsense you’ve come to expect from us.

Thanks for listening!

Written by B. Michael Krol

November 7, 2015 at 7:29 pm

4th and Krol: Week Nine Picks!

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Week Nine: Is this the week we go over the line?

Week Nine: Is this the week we go over the line?

D.T.: Hell of a week eight, folks. Certainly more interesting on and off the field than I expected, at least. We saw some record-setting nail-biter games, the return of Peyton Manning, the utter incompetence of Carolina’s stadium security, and more! And as of writing this on Tuesday morning, we’re seeing the completion of San Francisco’s implosion and the firing of Ken Whisenhunt from head coach of the Tennessee Titans. It may only be 9am where I am, but as an unabashed Cardinals’ fan…

Good day

And Week 8 looks halfway decent. Well, not really, but let’s ride this wave of euphoria for as long as it lasts!

BMK: Yeah, the games were mostly interesting, but there is a significant lack of off-field salaciousness and lunacy, something we here at 4th and Krol are very interested in.  Frankly, it was a boring week eight. Except for PETA going after Dez Bryant for having a monkey. Hearing about that story warmed the cockles of my black heart.

On to the picks!

———-

BROWNS at BENGALS

D.T.: The Browns gave the Cardinals quite the scare in the first half of last week’s game, until Arizona remembered how to play football and returned from the locker room to dominate with more than 20 unanswered points. As a Browns fan, I imagine that felt like the clouds parting during a torrential rain, the sun shining down on you, and then realizing the clouds were pierced by a meteor headed right for your face. Now imagine first responders picking up your remains, then delivering them to your enemy’s house so they can pee on them.

BENGALS

BMK: I’m late with column again. But I was taking the Bengals anyway, for all the reasons that DT delineates above.  But for one more: the Ginger of Doom is one sexy, sexy man.

"You're just mad cause I got Kat Dennings's phone number..."

“You’re just mad cause I got Kat Dennings’s phone number…”

BENGALS

———-

PACKERS at PANTHERS

D.T.: The Panthers, too, had quite a scare on Monday Night against the Colts. That game was in the proverbial bag before Indy rallied and came from behind in the fourth quarter to force a overtime showdown and ultimately a very narrow Carolina win. They’re hosting Green Bay next — a squad that just had their asses handed to them by Denver. Rodgers was held to only 77 yards passing in a dominant show of force by the Broncos secondary, and made room for a startling return to form for Peyton Manning.

"About to make a startling return to his hotel room to cry."

About to make a startling return to his hotel room to cry.

I think just about everyone had Green Bay pegged to win on Sunday, it’ll be interesting to see how the Packers bounce back from their first loss, and how Carolina’s secondary uses the game tape to attack Rodgers’ offense. When it came down to it, Carolina’s defense is great, but they were exhausted in the end by Andrew Luck’s weapons… and Aaron Rodgers has a lot more weapons at his disposal.

PACKERS

BMK: That Monday night game was interesting.  It was good seeing Andrew Luck going off the way we know he can. And it got Pep Hamilton fired, so everything worked out great!

Except, like, for the Colts, I guesss.

"Yeah? Least I got a job Krol...wait, hold on, Irsay's on the phone..."

“Yeah? Least I got a job Krol…wait, hold on, Irsay’s on the phone…”

Anyway, I expect Aaron Rodgers to take out his misery on Cam Newton and the Panthers.

PACKERS

———-

REDSKINS at PATRIOTS

D.T.: Well, this just isn’t fair.

PATRIOTS

BMK: This is my UPSE—Ugh. I can’t even kid around about this anymore. This game is going to be ugly. Ugly like that baby alien from V.

This thing looked fake as hell, but I still get choked up when it dies. Oh. Spoilers.

This thing looked fake as hell, but I still get choked up when it dies. Oh. Yeah. Spoilers.

You guys remember V?  That was a great show. Story goes, V’s showrunner Kenneth Johnson originally pitched a WWII story, and being that this was in the 80s and before Speilberg showed us how cool WWII could be, the network passed. Johnson, undeterred said, “Well, fuck it.  What if the Nazis were aliens.”

And on that day, V was born.

Oh, yeah. The pick…

PATRIOTS

———-

TITANS at SAINTS

D.T.: Tennessee has suffered their final loss in the clusterfuck that was the Whisenhunt Era. With ol’ Ken being fired, now Mariota and Mettenberger have a real chance at becoming NFL-caliber quarterbacks. The Titans probably don’t have a real chance at taking on an opponent like the Saints just yet, though. Especially after that ridiculous, record-setting performance from Drew Brees and his offense. In case you missed it, Breesus, King of the Drews, tied the all-time record for touchdown passes in a single game. The Saints are going to be fired the fuck up after that win against the Giants, and the Titans are going to be in full transition mode. I wouldn’t expect a Miami-esque reinvigoration for a win. It’ll be the Saints.

SAINTS

BMK: Whisenhunt is gone, but like Newt said in Aliens, it won’t make any difference.

Hey, whaddaya know? Newt's aged pretty well. Mostly.

Hey, whaddaya know? Newt’s aged pretty well. Mostly.

"Take it easy Sigourney. I was making a reference to her famous line in Aliens about the aliens coming out at night."

“Take it easy Sigourney. I was making a reference to her famous line in Aliens about the aliens coming out at night.”

SAINTS

———-

DOLPHINS at BILLS

D.T.: Speaking of Miami (remember that segue thing we talked about, Krol? How nice was that one?), they’re paying a visit to Buffalo this week. The Bills are fresh off a bye, and it’s very likely that Tyrod Taylor will return as their starting QB. Rookie Sammy Watkins, however, may take another week off while all of us little people work our little jobs in our little lives.

"Oooh, shit. Look at this catch. This one catch just made more money than everyone reading this will make in a month. And it's only practice."

“Oooh, shit. Look at this catch. This one catch just made more money than everyone reading this will make in a month. And it’s only practice.”

I’m going with the Dolphins on this one, just because.

DOLPHINS
BMK: I’m going with the Buffalo Bills.  Just to spite DT.

BILLS
———-

RAMS at VIKINGS

D.T.: A deceptively interesting match-up. Two fucking terrible passing offenses, and two great defenses. Neither of these teams’ QBs are having much luck this season, but both boast incredible talent at running back. Even the Vikings have conceded that Todd Gurley is the next best thing running, and even though he’s young enough to pull a switch off a tree for Adrian Peterson…

"Come on, man. Like you've never brutally beaten a child before."

“Come on, man. Like you’ve never brutally beaten a child before.”

…he’s likely going to host another running back clinic on Sunday. Whether or not the rest of the Rams show up will be another story. This is a tough game to call, honestly. These two teams seem to be pretty evenly matched, though I’ll give it to the slight edge the Rams have defensively.

RAMS

BMK: Good God, Adrian Peterson is a vile human being.

Anyway…

The Rams are becoming a trendy pick for an NFC Wild Card berth. DT and I differ on that (and if you listened to last week’s podcast, you’d know why…), but DT is wrong. So very, very wrong.

The Rams are for real. If they had a decent QB, they’d win the NFC West. Luckily, they don’t. But it won’t matter here.

RAMS

———-

JAGUARS at JETS

D.T.: I don’t get you, New York. You hold your own against the Patriots, then lose to Oakland? Sure, I think Krol is right on the money in thinking that the Raiders could play the upsetter and vie for a wild card spot. But are Carr and Cooper really good enough to punch through a defense like what the Jets have going? Let’s see what happens when that defense comes up against another underdog team trying hard to put something together before it’s too late. I think New York bounces back, but I think the Jags get a few body shots in.

JETS

BMK: This is one of those matchups I can’t get excited about enough to even write a pithy dismissal. So here’s Fireman Ed.

Ed...take a break, broham.

Ed…take a break, broham.

JETS

———-

RAIDERS at STEELERS

D.T.: So, the Steelers lost to the Bengals, despite having Big Ben back under center. The game turned out to be one of the better showings on Sunday, with both teams giving it their all, and playing hard. Perhaps a little too hard for star Pittsburgh runner, Le’Veon Bell, who suffered his second consecutive season-ending knee injury. It wasn’t an ACL injury, though, which gives him plenty of time to recover and be ready for the 2016 season. And just enough time to figure out away to get busted for weed again, and miss the first couple of games despite being healthy.

"...yeah, probably."

“…yeah, probably.”

Pittsburgh is lucky they have Williams backing him up. Just for fun, I’m picking the Raiders to take a narrow win from the vulnerable Steelers.

RAIDERS

BMK: This is my game of the week. As a resident of the East Bay, I’ve adopted the Raiders as my AFC team, and I’m interested to see what they can do against the Steelers. Oakland looked good against the Jets and the Chargers, but let’s not forget that Rivers has no support and Oakland was playing against Geno in the Jets game.  Unlike Bill Romanowski (who, by the way, is an insane person), I don’t think the Raiders are going to win. Winning in Pittsburgh is tough (I should know; when I moved there it started a personal four year losing streak) and the Raiders don’t have enough of a ground game to keep the Steelers honest in the secondary.  But I wouldn’t be surprised if they did win.

And no, Bay Area Radio People, David Carr is not a top five QB. Jesus Christ, people…

STEELERS

———-

GIANTS at BUCCANEERS

D.T.: The Bucs stole a win from the Falcons after a bizarre showing of Atlanta turnovers, a 17 point lead thrown away, and a final interception of Matt Ryan in overtime to close the deal. Atlanta is a weird freaking team, especially in divisional games.

"Yeah, well, you're a weird freaking guy, especially in your FACE!"

“Yeah, well, you’re a weird freaking guy, especially in your FACE!”

The Giants are a weird freaking team as well, which I think poises Tampa Bay to take a home win. Jameis Winston with his good friends Evans and V-Jax, coupled with the resurgence of Doug “Don’t Call Me Muscle Hamster” Martin) are more than enough for the Giants’ dead-last defense to handle.

BUCS

BMK: The Giants exploded offensively last week. I don’t expect that to happen again, but I like Eli Manning more than I like Winston right now. Manning has a QBR of 99, compared to Winston’s 85.6, and the only thing Manning’s ever stolen was New Yoker’s hearts.

Isn't he dreamy?

Awww…

GIANTS

———-

FALCONS at NINERS

D.T.: So, the Niners have shipped off Vernon Davis to the Broncos for a couple of late round picks, and now the team has made the decision to bench Colin Kaepernick in favor of Blaine Gabbert. All that’s left now is for Levi Stadium to implode upon itself like the house in Poltergeist. I can’t think of another instance where a team has been so mishandled and has fallen into such disarray in such a short amount of time. I honestly hope Kaepernick gets traded by the deadline today (Tuesday), and he gets a fresh start on a team that knows what do with him, and doesn’t attempt to crucify him at every turn. All that said, the Falcons are going to fucking dominate the Niners in such fashion that the ink in their fans’ neck tattoos will fall out.

"Oh, hey... uh... sorry about that thing I said about your face."

“Oh, hey… uh… sorry about that thing I said about your face.”

FALCONS

BMK: Ugh. This is going to be a bloodbath. The Niners are in the toilet and will be for the foreseeable future. They can’t run, they can’t pass, and they can’t defend either. They’re a mess from top to bottom, and the Falcons will come in to Levi’s Stadium and just clean their clocks. It’ll be borderline ugly. Too much, even for me.

I’ll still watch it though, and laugh my fool head off. Because I’m a terrible person.

FALCONS

———-

BRONCOS at COLTS

D.T.: Kubiak, you see what happens when you let Peyton Manning run the offense again? The clocks turn back five years, he throws long balls with perfect spirals, and leads the team to a stunning victory against an undefeated Super Bowl favorite with another all-time great QB. And everyone watching was happy, because we got to see Happy Manning instead of Grumpy Manning, and even heard some Omaha’s.

"Operation Papa John is now in effect. We must kill the Manning... hey, have you been working out?"

“Operation Papa John is now in effect. We must kill the Manning… hey, have you been working out?”

This week, Manning makes what may be his final return to Indianapolis to take on an ailing Colts team. Last time, Jim Irsay managed to play the psychological edge and threw Manning off his game with a backhanded thank you ceremony for Peyton (and by playing with the stadium open to fuck with his weakness to the cold). But even such underhanded plays won’t be enough when Andrew Luck is on Pagano and Hamilton’s leash, and that Denver Defense is staring him down. The Broncos will go 8-0 and Pagano will definitely be fired during Indy’s bye week.

BRONCOS

BMK: Is Peyton Manning done?  Despite last week’s outing, I’d say that he is.

Physical skills don’t deteriorate on a 90 degree curve.  Unless, like, Peyton losses a leg or something. Maybe not even then. (see Leppard, Def). That said, there’s plenty of evidence in the past nine weeks that he’s lost a lot of his physical skills and it’s because of that, I don’t like them to go deep in the playoffs this year, despite the fact they could go 12-4 or higher. The window is closed.

That said, they’re going to kill the Colts.

BRONCOS

———-

EAGLES at COWBOYS

D.T.: Well, this should be a cluster fuck, and fun to watch just for the sheer spectacle of it all. Cassel and Weeden being fucking terrible, Greg Hardy already acting as poison on the sidelines, and playing a divisional rival will show the Cowboys unravel even further. But don’t expect a dominant showing from the Eagles, either. They’ll win, but they’re not all that.

EAGLES

BMK: When the Niners bum me out too much this weekend, I’m turning to this game. As my esteemed partner from behind the Saguaro curtain pointed out, this should be a complete clusterfuck. With any luck, Loki will appear in the middle of the field and take Greg Hardy away to service Frost Giants in Hel. But that probably won’t happen.

It’ll be Niffleheim.

EAGLES

———-

BEARS at CHARGERS

D.T.: This week ends with an utter non-event of a prime time game. Both of these teams are spent, with no hope of for the playoffs. Under different circumstances, this might have been an interesting game, with both teams no longer giving a shit, and playing for pride. But neither team has any. The Chargers are moving to LA and will lose Rivers in the process (he refused to sign a contract extension for fear of having to move there), the Bears are going nowhere (geographically and otherwise).

"Well, D.T.'s definitely goin' somewhere. H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks."

“Well, D.T.’s definitely goin’ somewhere. H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks.”

I don’t even know… Chargers, I guess? It’s a home game, and Rivers is still fucking ridiculous under center.

CHARGERS
BMK: This is the kind of Monday night match that just gets everyone excited. Who’ll suck least and win?  Tune in and find out!

BEARS
———-

D.T.: And that’s it for Week Nine! Week Ten comes right after this week, and also has football games scheduled to take place there-in! Divisional match-ups abound with the Bills and Jets kicking off on Thursday night, followed by the Lions and Packers, Browns and Steelers, Chiefs and Broncos and the much-awaited NFC West showdown between the Cardinals and Seahawks.

Ain't gonna see any of this shit, Seattle Fans.

Ain’t gonna see any of this shit, Seattle Fans.

I’ll be spending next weekend in Denver, attending the Broncos and Chiefs game from bitchin’ (and expensive) lower-bowl seats, then high-tailing it to the nearest pub to catch the Cardinals game on Sunday Night Football, and sampling as any unique and delicious Colorado microbrews as time and constitution will allow. Fear not though, dear reader, for there shall still be an article for you in week 10, as long as there is alcohol in my stomach and football in my heart!

 

BMK: Week nine is in the books! While DT is off sampling microbrews and other…recreational delicacies in Colorado, I’ll be here, fighting the good fight against oppression, tyranny, and good aesthetic taste.

And remember kids: your mother may disown you, your spouse will leave you, everything you’ve ever believed in will let you down…except us here at 4th and Krol.

Thanks for reading and listening.

And now…your weekly dose of Kat Dennings…

 

My life is gonna suck when that restraining order kicks in...

My life is gonna suck when that restraining order kicks in…

 

This was written and compiled listening to the 80s Music that Doesn’t Suck Playlist on Spotify and that nagging voice in my head wondering if left the iron on. Spoilers: I didn’t.

4th and Krol: Week Eight!

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Week Eight: It's not too late...unless you're the Ravens, Browns, Saints, Tampa Bay...

Week Eight: It’s not too late…unless you’re the Ravens, Browns, Saints, Tampa Bay…

D.T.: Compared to the horrible slog that was Weeks Six and Seven, this week looks pretty damned good. Not great, but pretty damned good. Kind of like the Broncos 6-0 record right now. We–hang on, I’m getting a call…

"D.T., it's Peyton. Yeah. You know the drill. You. Yourself. Fucking there-in."

“D.T., it’s Peyton. Yeah. You know the drill. You. Yourself. Fucking there-in.”

We’re obligated at this point to keep writing each week, so it helps to have halfway decent games to get excited about. My local brewery will be disappointed in their dramatic drop in sales this week, though. Wait… the Chargers play the Ravens, Chief play the Lions, and the Giants play the Saints. Looks like beer’s back on the menu! Let’s get into it.

BMK: There’s some interesting matchups this week.  But the most interest matchup has to be between DT and I.  Our second ever podcast is down below. Check it out…if you dare!

———-

DOLPHINS at PATRIOTS

D.T.: I hope you enjoyed being the top last week, Fins. Because you’re so the bottom this week, and this guy’s first in line in the gang-bang:

"¡Yo soy orgía!"

“¡Yo soy orgía!”

PATRIOTS

BMK: Blah blah blah, I’m late, blah blah blah, writing this on Saturday, blah blah blah…You guys know the drill.

PATRIOTS

———-

LIONS at CHIEFS

D.T.: The Chiefs managed to turn out a win against the ailing Steelers last week, taking full advantage of their continuing quarterback woes. A couple of key turnovers committed by the Pittsburgh put this one to bed in less than spectacular fashion. This week, they square off against the Lions, who just lost a divisional game to the Vikings. Stafford looked like he might be on the upswing, tossing for over 250 yards and closing the deal a couple of times. Their running game and secondary are still in awful shape though, and I’ll give it to the Chiefs this week, for that reason.

CHIEFS

BMK: It’s a titanic battle between a 1-6 team and 2-5 team? Who will win? Who ever sucks less! Compelling viewing, aint it folks. Guys and gals, games like this are why we suffer through baseball season every year, counting the days until kickoff!

CHIEFS
———-

BUCCANEERS at FALCONS:

D.T.: It’s become evident that Dan Quinn’s departure from defensive coordinator at Seattle is key to the Legion of Boom’s decline, and his success in completely turning around the Falcons is proof positive. It’s staggering how different the Dirty Birds look and feel this season, and against their struggling divisional rivals in Florida, they’re poised for a nice win. Call that narrow win in Tennessee a slight hick-up, and consider this weekend a return to their 6-1 form.

FALCONS

BMK: I’m tempted to take the Buccaneers here, just to be contrary.  There’s a couple things in the Buccaneers you can hang your hat on.  They have the 5th ranked pass defense in the league and the 4th ranked pass offense in the league.  Unfortuntely, they’re going up against the 2nd ranked rush defense and they’re coached by Lovie Smith. So I’m going to be a Basic Bitch Football Columnist now…

Pictured: My soul as a sportswriter.

Pictured: My soul as a sportswriter.

FALCONS

———-

CARDINALS at BROWNS

D.T.: Most people overlook the fact that Josh McCown is quietly having himself a decent season. The Browns record doesn’t reflect it, but he’s currently posting a 96.1 overall QB rating for the year, and he’s developed solid chemistry with wide receiver Travis Benjamin. The two are a bit of a threat, and the Arizona secondary will have to keep a close eye on those two, or find themselves unpleasantly surprised. Still, the bottom-rung Cleveland defense will find it very difficult to keep up with Carson Palmer’s aerial game, and the one-two-punch combination of Chris and David Johnson pounding their line. This is Arizona’s game to win or beat themselves in.

ARIZONA

BMK: This has trap game written all over it. Arizona should win this and possibly by a lot. McCown, while not a terrible QB (there are certainly much worse), isn’t the kind of QB that gives the Cardinals problems. Of course, neither was Landry Fucking Jones.

Anyway, I’m going to take Arizona because I’m a homer.

ARIZONA

———-

NINERS at RAMS

D.T.: Even more in-fighting develops in San Francisco, as the team continues to plummet. They’re a team that simply has no will to win this season, and I may sound crazy but I would be surprised if Kaepernick’s contract wasn’t restructured again, and he was traded off to another squad.

"Actually, brah, that sounds pretty good."

“Actually, brah, that sounds pretty good.”

Off the top of my head, I think Chip Kelly is clearly not afraid to play around with his roster, and would give a finger or two to have a running QB like Kaep.

"I'll have those fingers, if he doesn't want 'em."

“I’ll have those fingers, if he doesn’t want ’em.”

Anyway, the Rams are going to win this one, and keep themselves in the running in the NFC West. Expect Todd Gurley to have a BIG motherfucking day.

 

RAMS

BMK: I’m starting to feel bad for Colin Kaepernick. Word on the street is that he’s isolated in the locker room and he’s losing his confidence.

Look, I know I’ve goofed on Kaepernick a bunch. Probably more than my fair share, but this is getting ridiculous. He’s not some shitbag like a lot of other players in the league (see Vick, Michael and Hardy, Greg); and he’s by far not the biggest problem with the 49ers. He’s just a kid in over his head, put in a position he never should have been put in by an egomaniacal sociopath. He doesn’t deserve to be shit on by the league because he can’t hack being a number one QB. Hell, most QBs in this league aren’t qualified. The problem is they have a better supporting cast around them to hide their deficiencies. Kaep no long has that, and his coach looks like he spent a day taking Molly and watching the Star Wars prequels. He was never going to succeed in that situation and it’s beyond the pale to punish him for that.

Anyway, the Niners are hosed this week.

RAMS
———-

GIANTS at SAINTS

D.T.: I have the Giants pegged to find a way to lose against the Cowboys last week, and was pleasantly surprised when the Giants defense and Special Teams said fuck that, and took control from an ineffectual Eli Manning-led offense. They also got a bit of last-minute help from Dallas’s Beasley, who clutch-fucked a kick return to seal the deal for NY. What will happen when the Giants meet the Saints this week is anyone’s guess, but New Orleans is statistically the better team this season, across the board. But, between Sean Payton and Tom Coughin in a sheer contest of will…

…you have to go with Nawlins.

SAINTS

BMK: I don’t buy for one second—NOT ONE GODDAMN SECOND—that the Saints are better than the Giants.  PEDDLE YOUR BULLSHIT SOMEWHERE ELSE DT!

"Yeah! You tell 'em Krol!"

“Yeah! You tell ’em Krol!”

GIANTS

———-

VIKINGS at BEARS

D.T.: Would making another joke about caring as much as Jay Cutler does about this game be lazy, or right on the money? It’s weird how in his transformation from Alec Baldwin to Cillian Murphy, the Bears keep getting worse. I hope the weight loss is due to stress and not because of a disease that could have been avoided with vaccination.

VIKINGS

BMK: Another interdivisional shit show. I guess the Vikings are statistically better than the Bears, but only bearly.

"Stop. Just stop."

“Stop. Just stop.”

Anyway, the Bears are at home and Cutler is better than Bridgewater. I guess.

BEARS
———-

CHARGERS at RAVENS

D.T.: The Chargers are officially announced their intent to file for a relocation next season. What the ownership of the team doesn’t realize is that having your entire team centered around one single player doesn’t establish a steady fanbase or sell tickets.

"Oh, really?"

“Oh, really?”

All the Ravens really need to do here is attack the pass offense and shut down Rivers. He’s a crazy-talented son of a bitch, but he is literally the key to every Chargers win and loss. Simple as that. If the Oakland Raiders can figure that out and squeeze out a win, anyone can.

RAVENS

 

BMK: In our latest podcast—available below!—DT and I decide that the Ravens have a bad record but aren’t necessarily a bad team. Now, don’t get us wrong. They’re going nowhere except to the bottom of the AFC North, but they’re still competitive. I think Dumerville will have a good game against a depleted Chargers offensive line and will give Rivers problems. And as my esteemed colleague from behind the Saguaro curtain pointed out, you stop Rivers you stop the Chargers from doing anything.  Except moving to LA.

I sure as hell did, Gosling.

I sure as hell did, Gosling.

RAVENS

———-

 

BENGALS at STEELERS

D.T.: Finally, a worthwhile game. The Bengals are coming off a week of rest, while Roethlisberger is likely going to keep himself to the sideline. This is a done deal, before it even gets started.

"Hey, I say the same thing to college girls in bars!"

“Hey, I say the same thing to college girls in bars!”

BENGALS

BMK: Can the Bengals handle the raw sexual power that is Landry Jones?

"Uh, what?"

“Uh, what?”

Yes.

BENGALS

———-

TITANS at TEXANS

D.T.: Let’s be honest: no one is going to be watching this game. Not you, not me, and certainly not Ken Whisenhunt. I’ll just give it to the Titans, so we can move on.

TITANS

BMK: I’m going to watch this game just to piss off DT.

Wait, no I’m not.

TITANS

———-

JETS at RAIDERS

D.T.: Well, they didn’t beat the Patriots last week but the Jets came out swinging like I thought they would and held the Patriots to a one-possession lead and win. Much like Dan Quinn turned around the Falcons, so too is former Arizona defensive coordinator Todd Bowles working hard to turn the Jets franchise around. I’m eager to see how that Jets defense combats the continually surprising Derek Carr-led offense, and how Revis Island covers speed demon Amari Cooper. It’s youth versus experience this time around. I give it to experience, but I think youth will make a few great plays as well.

JETS

BMK: I like the Jets this season. Bowles is turning  around that team and will be in great position next year for the owner and GM to completely fuck everything up again. But until that time…

JETS

———-

SEAHAWKS at COWBOYS

D.T.: Gee, what a great game for a Cardinals fan. I’d bust out Alien Vs. Predator parody poster I did last season, but with Dez Bryant still iffy, it doesn’t look to be relevant. Instead, I’m going to my happy place and bringing back the time-honored tradition of posting Cheerleader photos as filler.

Cheerleaders 2

 

Cheerleaders 1

SEAHAWKS

BMK: If Romo and Dez were playing, they’d win, just like if I was a good looking rich guy I’d be dating Kat Dennings.

"No, you wouldn't."

“No, you wouldn’t.”

Anyway, Dallas is depleted so they aint winning in Seattle.  Which means the rest of us will have to listen to Seahawks fans talk about how their team is back. Utter nonsense, but hey, they’re just discovering football, so I’ll let em have their fun.

"I sure did. And you didn't stop me."

“I sure did. And you didn’t stop me.”

SEAHAWKS

———-

PACKERS at BRONCOS

D.T.: Clash of the 6-0 teams, where one must walk away with perfect record tarnished. Unless it ends in a tie, but what are the odds of that happening?

Oh, right.

Oh, right.

This is the game of the week, without question. Key points of interest are seeing how the Broncos defense plans to save the day against the clockwork operating of Aaron Rodgers and his receivers. There’s also the issue of possibly having Eddie Lacy back in the fold, and taking hand-offs. That’s a tall fucking order for a defense — even one as good as Denver’s. They’re going to have to find some way to make plays happen during times of possession to stand a chance, here. Does Peyton have it in him to fight through the physical limitations, and can the Denver running game find a way through that Green Bay defense?

The answer to that second one is definitely maybe, while the first… remains an uneasy mystery. Playing it safe, I say Green Bay takes the win here, unless Denver’s defense really brings the magic and throws A-Rod off his game.

GREEN BAY

BMK: This is a fantastic game.  I’m going with Green Bay though. I don’t think Denver has enough offensive firepower to keep up with Green Bay and Aaron Rodgers, and I think that’ll become evident pretty early. Peyton Manning is done.

By the way, me writing that pretty much guarnetees Manning will have a monster game. Oh well…

GREEN BAY

———-

COLTS at PANTHERS:

D.T.: One of the more interesting Monday Night Football match-ups we’ve seen so far. The Colts are still crumbing, as rumors of Pagano’s demise are probably only slightly exaggerated. There’s some strong talk that ol’ Chuck will be out on his ass come Indianapolis’s bye week and if there is a Football God, Pep Hamilton will be fired in the same breath. If those rumors are true, we’ll be seeing a Chuck Pagano that’s either fighting tooth and nail to keep his job, or someone who is resigned to his fate and doesn’t give a shit. Both versions of Chuck Pagano are incompetent.

This week’s going to wrap up with a Panthers home win, and the continuation of the head-scratchingly-bizarre turn-around half of the NFC South is undergoing. If you had told me that two of those teams would have gone undefeated past week one of this season, I would have politely laughed and bid you good day. But now… there are two of them that look like honest to goodness playoff contenders, and that’s just fucking weird. What a time to be alive.

PANTHERS

BMK: This is an interesting game?  Good God, you need to move out of Arizona, DT.  There’s so many better things out in the world. Like…kitten videos…chocolate pie…Kat Dennings…

"Whatever..."

“Whatever…”

I guess you’re right. This is it.

PANTHER
———-

D.T. And that’s your week eight, folks. Week nine continues the ascension out of total shit, with games like Green Bay at Carolina (with the possibility of two 7-0 teams going at it), Peyton Manning returning to Indy for maybe the last time (unless he retires a Colt, which would be some bullshit), and what could be a goofy-as-fuck Eagles/Cowboys game that Sunday night. We’re coming at you from two different angles this week, posting this silliness here, and casting our pods in your faces. So read up, listen in, and impress your friends with all the NFL knowledge and references to Rob Gronkowski having sex with men you’ve learned!

 

BMK: Another week in the books, another article filled with blazing hot takes.  What will happen in week nine? I don’t know, but I’m sure it’ll be divine!

What? You expected something else?  Have you been paying attention?

Here’s your weekly dose of Kat Dennings (finally!)…

"This is the dance I did when my lawyer served Krol with papers."

“This is the dance I did when my lawyer served Krol with papers.”

This post was written and compiled listening to the Misfits.

Hallelujah! A New Podcast!

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It seems gentle readers, that our technical problems have passed us and we can now start podcasting in earnest. I have a new microphone and old opinions, and DT is just the affable guy you’ve come to know and love.

This week, we discuss where we think the remainder of the season is going to shake out, the nature of NFL compensation and injuries, and I go off on the Cowboys.

Thanks for listening! Hope you enjoy it! Any comments can be left below and you can find me on twitter @bmkrol.

 

Written by B. Michael Krol

October 30, 2015 at 10:39 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

4th and Krol: Week 7 Picks!

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Week Six: It's time for the picks!

Week Seven: I’m not going with the obvious rhyme Heaven!

D.T.: Lots of exciting things happened last week… and most of them not on the field. Monday Night Football saw a huge spike in ratings from the halftime release of the new Star Wars trailer. Ken Whisehunt saw a huge spike in likelihood that he won’t be an NFL coach next season. Fred Jackson saw a huge spike in his insurance premium from crashing his car while drag racing with Marshawn Lynch.

It wasn’t a terribly great week in the NFL, certified in ink by the fact that one of the most interesting games took place between the Lions and Bears. I feel like we’ve spent a lot of time complaining about how weak this season has been, but let’s face it: so far, the NFL has been about as strong as the grip strength in Jason Pierre-Paul’s right hand. But, we’re here to do what we can to make things a little more fun and interesting. Let’s get to it!

BMK: Boy you said it. So far this season has been…I don’t know if weak is the right word for it, but hasn’t been that exciting. I think the NFL’s vaunted parity (which never really existed as advertised) is dragging down the overall play.  Teams seem to either be elite, or they play like drunken baby monkeys at a slapfight level.

Which reminds me…I’d  love to see some drunken monkeys have a slapfight.  Maybe that’s what they’re showing on BRAVO now…

On to the picks!

PS: There is no podcast this week because of technical difficulties. Somehow I killed the audio tracks. I’m an idiot.

What hurts even more is that I know fucking Juggalos manage to get their podcasts off the ground. For some reason, this is beyond my technical ken.

———-

SEAHAWKS at NINERS

D.T.: Who would have thought that these two teams would be battling for the number three spot in the NFC West? When the mighty fall, they fall hard. Seattle’s meteoric rise has ended, and they’re no longer invincible even at home, as they suffered an upsetting defeat at the hands (paws?) of the Panthers on Sunday. The Niners managed to squeeze out a win from the ailing Ravens, which has sent Baltimore’s fanbase into a spiral of depression.

"Thank Jesus I'm Retired!"

“Thank Jesus I’m Retired!”

So, what happens when two former lords meet in dank catacombs of their kingdom? A duel to the death. Whoever loses this game is in deep shit, and both sides are going to be scrambling to avoid that. Come Thursday night, I think Seattle pulls through. They’re still missing something intangible that no one can quite define, but they’re still the better team here.

SEAHAWKS

BMK: As our long time reader knows, I live in the Bay Area and I consume a lot of sports media. As one would expect, there’s a sense of resignation here across the chattering class of local sportscasters. There’s no way the 49ers are winning this game, and everyone knows it, but they have to talk about something so they’re discussing the slight uptick in Kaepernick’s game. Basically, if you’ve had better things to do than watch the 49ers (read: just about any damn thing you could think of), Kaepernick’s numbers have improved over the last two games.  The two games where they went 1-1.

The Seahawks are on the downward slide, but I don’t expect them to lose this week.  The 49ers suck. Bad.

SEAHAWKS

———-

BILLS at JAGUARS

D.T.: I really thought the Jaguars had a shot against the Texans, but as fans in Jacksonville know, if you expect the Jags to disappoint, you’ll never be disappointed.

"I'm not sure if that made sense... but I'm not sure if that didn't not make sense."

“I’m not sure if that made sense… but I’m not sure if that didn’t not make sense.”

The Bills showed some chinks in the Bengals defense, managing to score 21 points on them, but their own defense failed to keep Cincinnati from scoring 34 points of their own, and securing a 6-0 record. The Bills will take a win, and London will continue wondering why American is so infatuated with the NFL.

BILLS
BMK: Last week I famously said I have no faith in Tyrod Taylor.  Rex Ryan then replaced him with EJ Emmanuel. That can only mean one thing: Rex Ryan regularly reads 4th and Krol. Who knew?

BILLS
———-

BUCCANEERS at REDSKINS

D.T.: The Redskins were outmatched in every aspect of the game last Sunday. Their top rusher, Alfred Morris, was contained by the Jets for a humiliating 21 yards, and Kirk Cousins was stifled at 196 yards versus Ryan Fitzpatrick’s 253. Coming up against the Buccaneers, what these two teams really have going for them is defense. They’re both currently top-ten ranked secondaries, so we can expect a low-scoring affair, and I’ll take the Bucs to edge out the Skins by a field goal.

BUCS

BMK: IT’S THE BATTLE OF TRAILER PARK! THE 2-4 REDSKINS VS. THE 2-3 BUCCANNEERS! GET HYPE!

Games like this make me regret becoming interested in football.

BUCS

———-

FALCONS at TITANS

D.T.: So, the Saints finally managed to win one. And it was quiet the upset, knocking their Atlanta rivals out of the undefeated club. The Titans, however, remain in the oft-defeated club after a devastating loss to the Dolphins last week. I don’t think running Oklahoma drills suddenly make the Fins a better team, though — I think they simply had a nice outing against a Tennessee team coached by a fraud.

This man is 4-29 in his last 33 games as a head coach. This isn't meant to be funny.

This man is 4-29 in his last 33 games as a head coach. This isn’t meant to be funny.

While the Titans are floundering under an abysmal head coach and killer of rookie QB careers, the Falcons have gotten their groove back with former Seattle defensive coordinator Dan Quinn running their show. This game will be ridiculously one-sided, and ESPN could probably fill a whole Sports Center episode with Falcon highlights from it, alone.

FALCONS

BMK: One of the interesting storylines for this season is the number of undefeated teams, and what’s really surprising is that two of them come from the NFC South, which I had written off as a terribly weak division. To be fair, the bottom of that division is really bad, but the Falcons are starting to look “legit”, as the kids say.

Anyway, I don’t expect much of a game here.  It’ll be the Falcons by a mile. And no matter what happens, Matt Ryan will still be as personally compelling as a pair of white tube socks.

This is what you get when you Google Tube Socks.

This is what you get when you Google Tube Socks.

FALCONS
———-

SAINTS at COLTS

D.T.: So, the Colts didn’t do as badly against the Patriots as I thought. They still lost by seven, but Andrew Luck matched Tom Brady for 312 yards passing and 3 touchdowns. The kid proves that, when he’s healthy, he’s the best thing Indy’s got going. And once they get rid of Chuck Pagano and Pep Hamilton…

The super-geniuses behind whatever the FUCK this was supposed to be.

The super-geniuses behind whatever the FUCK this was supposed to be.

…things will get better. I think this season is Pagano’s swan song. If there’s any sort of reason and logic left in Irsay’s alcohol and coke-addled mind, he’ll make the right move and allow general manager Grigson to clean house. As for their match-up against the Saints, I don’t see the Saints staging a comeback after their win against the Falcons. Divisional games are always impossible to predict and often wildly inconsistent in their outcomes, and opportunities for struggling teams to take a win. The Colts will take the win on Sunday, though.

COLTS

BMK: Every time I watch a Colts game, I’m reminded of a scene in the Simpsons where Lisa is lecturing Springfield on TV about something, and one of the engineers in the booth turns to the producer and asks if he should cut her off. The producer says, “Not yet. I’m trying to get fired.” I think that’s where Pagano is at.  That’s the only explanation.

Good Lord...can you imagine having a 'You f'd up' meeting with this cat?

Good Lord…can you imagine having a ‘You f’d up’ meeting with this cat?

SAINTS

———-

VIKINGS at LIONS

D.T.: Remember what I said about divisional games being weird, and making certain teams look better than they are? Well, somehow Matt Stafford remember how to throw and found himself with the game of his season at 405 yards passing and a shocking 4 touchdowns. However, it was against the Bears’ defense, while Detroit’s own secondary allowed the Bears a head-scratching 34 points. When neither team can play defense, both offenses look amazing.

Even against that awful defense, the Vikings bottom-of-the-barrel passing game will struggle. This could turn out to be a very nice day for Adrian Peterson, and if he shows up and plays with patience and focus, he could be the key to a Vikings win, here. There’s always the threat of Stafford and Megatron connecting though, which makes this game a toss-up.

I’m leaning towards giving the Lions the benefit of the doubt in a divisional game at home.

LIONS

BMK: Whenever a good QB is struggling, the refrain you always hear is “Why don’t the coaches let so-and-so BE so-and-so!” On the surface, that’s a seductive idea. If you’re playing in the NFL, you have skills, so it makes sense that the coaches adapt their ideas to your skillsets. Makes sense right? Maximize the potential outcomes. Not all coaches do this, but with some people it doesn’t matter.

Take a guy like Jake Plummer. Had some success in AZ, but when things went south, everyone was saying, “Let Jake be Jake!” (as an aside, this refrain typically metamorphoses into “Give the backup a chance!”), meaning they should run more bootlegs, etc. The Cardinals tried it and it didn’t work.  Mostly because the team they surrounded Plummer with, frankly, stunk.

What does this have to do with the Lions and Vikings?  Well, last week Stafford had success playing more up tempo. It played to his strengths. I’m guessing the Lions will do more of that this week, but I’m not sure it’ll make much of a difference, since the rest of the team is so damn bad.  I’m going with them this week since I have 0 faith in the Vikings, and the Lions are at home, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the Vikings won.

LIONS

———-

STEELERS at CHIEFS

D.T.: For reasons unknown, the Cardinals simply stopped playing football in the second half of their visit to Heinz Field in Pittsburgh. In what ended up being a strange outcome, Michael Vick left the game with an injury and was showed up by the Steelers’ third string QB. Ironically, if Vick had stayed upright, the Cardinals might have secured a win even with the lethargic and lackadaisical way they finished the second half. If Tomlin is smart, he’ll start Landry at QB against the Chiefs, if Cheeseburger is still unavailable.

"But am I smart? The answer might surprise you!"

“But am I smart? The answer might surprise you!”

The Chiefs are struggling big-time after the loss of Jamaal Charles, and even a Steelers team with an uncertain offense shouldn’t have a terrible time securing a win, after seeing what they accomplished against Arizona’s secondary.

STEELERS

BMK: All hail Landry Jones.

STEELERS

———-

BROWNS at RAMS

D.T.: If someone could explain to me why, after watching the Denver Broncos and the Cleveland Browns struggle back and forth all the way into overtime, Kubiak’s new offense is still a good idea, I’ll buy them lunch.

"I'd love a free Chicken Parm, but... I got nothin'."

“I’d love a free Chicken Parm, but… I got nothin’.”

There’s no discernible reason why the Denver Broncos – even with Manning’s physical limitations and their struggling run game – should have had to fight so hard for wins against teams like Minnesota, Oakland and Cleveland. Each of these wins were due to defensive touchdowns, namely by Aqib Talib. Peyton Manning is now completely out of his element in a role that his career has played a role in defining in modern football. It’s a shame, but the Broncos are 6-0, so they’ll keep plugging away, and barely scraping by on chance…

Anyway, the Brows at Rams. The Rams defense will control this game, and they’ll take the dubya.

RAMS

BMK: I want to take the Browns just to be a contrarian.  Especially since I think Jeff Fisher doesn’t deserve the accolades and respect he seems to get. His regular season record as a head coach in the NFL is barely over 500, and the Rams have not been anything to write home to Mother about in years.

Pictured: Mark Davis's Notes from the last NFL Owner's Meetings in New York.

Pictured: Mark Davis’s Notes from the last NFL Owner’s Meetings in New York.

But, since this weekly picks column is something of a competition (and we need to actually decide on stakes one of these years), I’m going with the Rams since I don’t feel strong enough to take the Browns and risk falling further behind DT.

RAMS

———-

TEXANS at DOLPHINS

D.T.: Another terrible game leaving Sunday Ticket subscribers asking themselves questions like “Why?”, “Huh?” and “What the fuck?”

This one’s going to be a shootout. Both Ryan Tannehill and Brian Hoyer are capable of pumping out yards and touchdowns against weak opposition, and that’s what both of these teams are coming up against. It’s a game even diehards can skip without feeling guilty, unless you’re compulsive and a Sunday completionist.

Or being paid a comical amount of money to physically be there.

Or being paid a comical amount of money to physically be there.

I give this one to the Texans, when it come down to brass tacks. JJ Watt is due for a signature game this season, and it could be this one.

TEXANS

BMK:  They need to offer discounted beer to anyone at this game with a full set of teeth.

I don't have enough guts to Google missing teeth, so here's Kat Dennings.

I don’t have enough guts to Google missing teeth, so here’s Kat Dennings.

TEXANS

———-

JETS at PATRIOTS

D.T.: This one’s my GAME OF THE WEEK! Why? Because even when the Jets were terrible, even when Rex Ryan was the head coach, the Jets have always found ways to make the Patriots’ day difficult. Now that they’ve actually found themselves a great head coach, have a dynamite defense and they’re playing all-around great football, they’ve got a real chance to beat the Patriots, even in Foxborough.

"Yeah, why don't you say that to my face, D.T.?"

“Yeah, why don’t you say that to my face, D.T.?”

"The Jets have a real chance to beat you, Tom."

“The Jets have a real chance to beat you, Tom.”

"..."

“…”

Revis Island is playing lights-out, Fitzpatrick is playing decent football, and I’m actually going to pick the Jets for the upset this week!

JETS

BMK: After last week’s Kat-a-palooza, my mother asked me why DT and I never post pictures of ourselves in our column. I think you know why now.

"DT's so much better looking than you, Krol."

“DT’s so much better looking than you, Krol.”

PATRIOTS

———-

RAIDERS at CHARGERS

D.T.: It is utterly staggering how much of San Diego’s successes and failures depend upon Philip Rivers. Love him or hate him, he IS the Chargers. But, one man can’t make an entire team — he threw for an incredible 503 yards and 2 touchdown passes in Lambeau last week, but the San Diego squad as a whole couldn’t pull it together and secure a win. If Rivers was under center in a better team, he’d be terrifying.

"I think I'm pretty scary as it is. RAWR!"

“I think I’m pretty scary as it is. RAWR!”

This week, they play host to divisional… well, not really rivals, but divisional acquaintances, the Oakland Raiders. Let’s face it, this is Rivers’ game to win or lose. If he can pump out passes and points at a higher rate than Derek Carr and Amari Cooper, they can win this. I’m betting on the crazy guy with 12 kids.

"Twelve? Last time I counted, I only counted this many."

“Twelve? Last time I counted, I only counted this many.”

CHARGERS

BMK: I’m taking the Raiders this week. Why? BECAUSE I’M FUCKING CRAZY!

RAIDERS

———-

COWBOYS at GIANTS

D.T.: The ‘Boys are coming off a bye, which would be helpful if all their biggest stars just needed some bed rest and hot tea. And after the way the Giants played last week against the Eagles, I think they believed they were on a bye, too. I drew a chart that I feel illustrates Monday night’s game between the Eagles and Giants.

"The fact that the drop isn't at a 90 degree angle is me being nice."

“The fact that the drop isn’t at a 90 degree angle is me being nice.”

We can expect more of the same, come Sunday afternoon. Nothing about either team currently screams for attention, and I think it’s fair to say that there’s a morbid curiosity to see just how the Giants will manage to defeat themselves this time. Still, what’s left of the Cowboys will be coming in rested, while the Giants are coming off a devastating divisional loss in front of a record-high national audience.

COWBOYS

BMK: This is the game that gets all the advertisers all atwitter. Dallas vs. New York? Somewhere a guy that idolizes Don Draper just got the flopsweats.

Unfortunately, Dallas sort of stinks right now. If they were at full strength, Dallas would win handily. But no Romo and no Dez equals no victory for Dallas. Sorry kids. It’s just not your week.

GIANTS

———-

EAGLES at PANTHERS

D.T.: The Eagles did a thing and won the thing, and the Panthers did it, too. The Panthers did it in a difficult environment, and made a much bigger splash in the league doing it. They’re also still in the undefeated club, and playing pretty decent football, against all predictions, while the Eagles continue on without a sense of identity or leadership. I give it to the Panthers in this one, and I prematurely credit Riverboat Ron’s willingness to gamble being a factor over Chip Kelly really having no idea what he’s doing, but refusing to admit it.

PANTHERS

BMK: The Panthers are playing at a high level right now. I’m not sure where they’re going to lose, but it won’t be to Chip Kelly and Sam “INTERCEPTION MACHINE” Bradford!

PANTHERS

Apparently, Kat doesn't like me goofing on Sam Bradford.

Apparently, Kat doesn’t like me goofing on Sam Bradford.

———-

RAVENS at CARDINALS

D.T.: This week wraps up with a Bird Bowl between the Ravens and the Cardinals in Glendale, Arizona. Both of these teams are their own worst enemy, and whoever can overcome their internal issues will be the one to win. Arizona’s ballhawking defense needs to settle in with less focus on every playing being massive, and more on containing the offense and forcing punts. Their offense needs to figure out a way to score on red zone opportunities. The yardage is there (in spades) but the failure to close the deal and produce points was one of the keys to their downfall in Pittsburgh last week.

That, and ruining a sure thing by taking this guy out of the equation.

That, and ruining a sure thing by taking this guy out of the equation.

The Ravens’ defense, one of the most feared in the league, is struggling in a big way. They’re allowing more points to offenses – even those with problems scoring – than Flacco and his unit can produce. Red zone production from the Cardinals is the absolute key to an Arizona win, and any failure to take care of business probably can’t be credited too much to Baltimore’s defense. If Carson Palmer can take all those passing yards and put them into the endzone, Arizona can take this in a rout.

CARDINALS

BMK: Last week’s game broke my heart.  As DT alluded to, the Cardinals seemed to be trying to get a knockout punch with every play. You just can’t do that with really good teams. And Pittsburgh, despite their issues, is a good team.

The Ravens, however, are not a good team. Flacco is playing like garbage and Steve Smith is a shadow of his former self. I don’t see the Ravens winning this week, but then again, I didn’t see the Steelers winning either. If the Ravens can get some turnovers, the Cardinals are done. Can they? It wouldn’t surprise me.

RAVENS

———-

DT: There’s light at the end of the tunnel, dear reader. This week isn’t great, but next week has some diamonds amid piles of coal. Bengals at Steelers will be a solid match-up, if Cheeseburger is back and in gametime form. The Seahawks and Cowboys should be a delightfully weird game, and Packers at Broncos will be the crown jewel of next week’s schedule. Well, hopefully…

Keep reading and listening, folks! We’ll be back next week!

 

BMK: Next week we’ll be doing a mid-season report on the podcast. Unless my brain craps out again…

Anyway, thanks for supporting us.  Without you, this column wouldn’t exist.

So, if you think about, this whole mishegoss is your fault.

So there!

So there!

See you next week!

This post was written and compiled while listening to mathcore. Probably.

Written by B. Michael Krol

October 24, 2015 at 1:12 pm

4th and Krol: Week Six Picks

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Week Six: It's time for the picks!

Week Six: It’s time for the picks!

DT: Krol, we’re getting pretty good at this. Aside from not being able to know when dudes are getting injured, our picks are getting better. Or, least mine are. For anyone keeping score, I’m now three picks head of Krol, after winning both weeks 4 and 5 and coming from behind. And to top it off, I also predicted that the Patriots would beat the Cowboys in brutal fashion, and that Aaron Rodgers’ streak of no interceptions at home would come to an end against the Rams.

"Oh yeahhhh, you're a real Nostra-fuckin'-damus."

“Oh yeahhhh, you’re a real Nostra-fuckin’-damus.”

There’s a lot to talk about this week, both here in the column, as well as our weekly podcast. We’ll get deep into some of the more serious issues when we cast our pod in your faces, and get right into the picks here in the text. WEEK SIX! It’s gonna be fuck-awful, folks!
BMK: So I’m writing this on Friday night. Again.  But this time I’m writing this in a hotel room. See, I was down in LA this week watching movies to later review over at Andersonvision.com (plug plug).  While I was here, a torrential downpour sent mudslides all over the main road out of town. Now I know what you’re thinking, one night me and the cute girl from marketing drank mudslides at TGI Fridays until she found out about my UTI, so it’s all good!  Listen up Dockers: it’s not all good. I’m now trapped in a hotel in Glendale, CA, with wifi speeds that were state-of-the-art a few years before DARPANet debuted. Long story short: I’m feeling even more salty than usual.

Kat Realizing that I was in LA and didn't call her...

Kat Realizing that I was in LA and didn’t call her…

ON TO THE PICKS!
———-

FALCONS at SAINTS

D.T.: And we kick things off with a terribly one-sided divisional match-up. The Saints are now in a pit too deep for even Brees to pull them out. Going into week six, it’s about that time where hopes and goals are a thing of the past, and it’s time to split focus between salvaging what’s left, and planning for next season. If the Saints are smart, that first round pick they got from Seattle can turn into something.

"Can we draft a new offensive coordinator?"

“Can we draft a new offensive coordinator?”

Ryan Douche

This week, they’re up against a a 5-0 divisional rival in the Falcons. Atlanta is playing every game like that rout they had against Tampa in September of last year. They’re on one hell of a hot streak, and the Saints just don’t stand a chance. Expect Devonta Freeman and Matty Ice to pull off another couple touchdowns a piece.

FALCONS
BMK: If you read my intro paragraph, you’d know that I’m writing this on Friday.  For all of our readers in Florida, this means that the Thursday night game already happened.  Since Thursday comes before Friday.

Anyway, I picked the Falcons.  And you know what? You would’ve too!

I need a cupcake to salve my wounded psyche.

I need a cupcake to salve my wounded psyche.

FALCONS

———-

REDSKINS at JETS

D.T.: The Redskins are kind of like the horror movie villain that you think is dead, then they come back later for another go-round. They managed to off the Eagles in week three, then lost to the Falcons in week five. This time around, they’re getting picked apart by the Jets defense. Mastermind Todd Bowles has put together a secondary that’s simply too good for the Redskins offense that topped off at total 51 yards rushing in week 5.

"We'd get more yards if all those dudes weren't in the way."

“We’d get more yards if all those dudes weren’t in the way.”

It’s going to be another win for the Jets in their crusade to shake things up in the Northeastern part of the country.

JETS
BMK: Todd Bowles have the Jets flying in the right direction.  The Redskins are still hot garbage. And they always will be with Dan Snyder at the controls.

JETS

"Don't make that pun again, Krol."

“Don’t make that pun again, Krol.”

———-

CARDINALS at STEELERS

D.T.: Monday night’s display between the Steelers and Chargers was the first this season that I’ve simply given up on and turned off. I got up at 6am last Sunday to watch the London game, and had a better time watching the Jets pound the Dolphins than I did watching the Pittsburgh and San Diego stumble around aimlessly, committing the most fundamental of fouls and mistakes. Fuck Mike Tomlin; Ben Roethlisberger, love him or hate him, is the foundation of that team, and they’re losing focus without him.

"I ain't afraid to try and trip you, D.T."

“I ain’t afraid to try and trip you, D.T.”

There’s talk of him returning early to play the Cardinals this week, and either QB choice for Pittsburgh – an injured Ben or a Mike Vick with no pocket awareness – is a very shaky one at best. Arizona’s spent the week following their win in Detroit on the East coast to stay fresh, and that secondary is going to take full advantage of whatever scenario plays out for Pittsburgh. On the other side of the ball, the Steelers defense has struggled to contain offenses, and with Carson Palmer and his receivers as hot as they are, I expect Red to dominate Yellow this Sunday.

CARDINALS

BMK: When I lived in Pittsburgh, I’d go shopping down at this area of town called the Strip District.  This is where all the Italian grocers were, which included the Pennsylvania Macaroni Company, home of the greatest cheese counter ever.

"Seriously...isn't this amazing?"

“Seriously…isn’t this amazing?”

Why am I bringing this up?  Because there was a hole in the wall store down there that sells all manner of Steelers merchandise, including some real stupid shit.  Anyway, they blasted the Steelers fight song so loud that Slayer told them to turn it down.  Honest to God! Slayer!  That song is like two-and-a-half minutes long too.  Which means that whichever poor bastard that works there hears the same song 192 times a day. At some point, that dude is going to snap, shoot up a Primantis chanting, “Here we go!” while giggling and shitting himself.

Pictured: Typical Steelers Fan.

Pictured: Typical Steelers Fan.

Who am I picking?  I like the Cardinals in this one. Which means they’re going to lose in an ignominious fashion. That said, every time someone sacks Mike Vick in this game, I’m donating 20 bucks to PETA.  If someone ends Vick’s season, that’s $500. And yeah, I don’t give a fuck. That man is scum.

CARDINALS

PS: I lived in Pittsburgh when they played the Cardinals in the Superbowl. I think I caused the Cardinals loss, but that’s a long story…

"Seriously, no one cares about your weird personal life."

“Seriously, no one cares about your weird personal life.”

———-

CHIEFS at VIKINGS

D.T.: The Chiefs suffered a devastating blow last week against the Bears, as superstar Running Back Jamaal Charles is finished for the season after an ACL tear. Knile Davis is dependable RB2, but the one-two combination of a week five loss against a bottom-level opponent like the Bears and the absence of their star is enough to drop them into a free fall. This’ll allow the well-rested Vikings to contain the Chiefs. If Teddy can bring it and keep his defense off the field for any longer than necessary, the Vikings can win this one on sheer will alone.

VIKINGS

BMK: I’m not sold on Bridgewater. Luckily, they rank 2nd in the NFL for rushing yards, so they won’t have to rely on him to beat the reeling Chiefs, who’s rushing defense ranks nearly last in the NFL.

Holy crap! That was actual football analysis! Wonders will never cease.

VIKINGS

"Wait...Krol's actually using analysis?"

“Wait…Krol’s actually using analysis?”

———-

BENGALS at BILLS

Is there any team hotter than the Bengals right now? Let’s check the Cincinnati city thermometer and see:

Very red, as I suspected.

Very red, as I suspected.

Cincinnati’s game against Seattle was far and away the best and most exciting. That forceful overtime drive for a field goal to win was a statement that the Bengals aren’t fucking around this year. Well, until the first round of the playoffs, but that’s a long ways off! They’re up against the Bills this week – a team still making a statement of their own, and looking to knock off one of the 5-0 teams in the league. I think it’s fair to expect Buffalo to come out playing nasty, aggressive football, and there will be flags.

"Now let's go get a goddamned milkshake."

“Now let’s go get a goddamned milkshake.”

Andy Dalton is playing incredible football right now, and I see his offense overcoming the aggression of Buffalo’s secondary. The Bengals take a win this week.

BENGALS

BMK: This is an interesting matchup. Credit where credit is due, the Bengals came back against Seattle in the 4th Quarter. On the whole, I think that says more about where Seattle is than where Bengals are, but either way, that’s no mean feat. Anyway, Dalton plays well during the early part of the season, but then, like my chances of ever having a decent career, he slowly degenerates.

"What? No ' I Drink your milkshake,' Krol?"

“What? No ‘ I Drink your milkshake,’ joke Krol?”

I’d love to pick the Bills here, since Rex Ryan has that defense playing very well, but I don’t trust Tyrod Taylor. At all.

BENGALS

———-

BEARS at LIONS

D.T.: Ugh, fuck me… as much as their fans would argue, both the NFC North and the NFC South are proof that the divisions in the league need a shake-up. Regardless of the fact that they’re pretty much the only two divisions that make geographical sense, it’s unfair for the rest of the country to be subjected to their divisional games so many times a season.

I can’t even decide who to pick, because both of these teams are so fucking bad. I guess the Lions? They couldn’t lose two home games in a row, right? At some point, they have to win ONE game, and it may as well be this one.

LIONS

BMK: The only thing that Lions prove is that God hates Detroit.

"Hmmm...does God actually hate Detroit? Or does he channel his contempt for humankind into Matt Stafford's interception to touchdown ratio?"

“Hmmm…does God actually hate Detroit? Or does he channel his contempt for humankind into Matt Stafford’s interception to touchdown ratio?”

BEARS

———-

BRONCOS at BROWNS

D.T.: Denver kept the winning streak alive last week against the Raiders, thanks to another defensive touchdown. The fact that the Oakland Raiders gave Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos a run for their money last week shows how confusing the Broncos are as a team, this year. Peyton Manning still can’t get a real handle on that new offense, but Denver’s top-ranked secondary will be more than enough to contain whichever quarterback Cleveland decides to play.

 

Cleveland’s run defense has been terrible, so it’s a day for CJ Anderson and Ronnie Hillman to really step up and power that Broncos offense. If Peyton can swallow a little of his pride and offensive coordinator Rick Dennison can pull his head out and run the ball, Denver should take this.

BRONCOS

BMK: Some wags are talking up the Browns here.  Are they fucking insane?

"Really? He took the Browns? Over the Broncos?"

“Really? He took the Browns? Over the Broncos?”

BROWNS

———-

TEXANS at JAGUARS

D.T.: The NFL is either trying to tell me to drink more, or drink less. I can’t decide which it is, with this game. I’m going to assume it’s drink more. Thank fuck the Cardinals are playing a meaningful match-up during this block of games. Um… shit, I don’t know. Jaguars? Why not.

JAGUARS

BMK: Putin is going to make political prisoners watch this game.

"You expected someone else?"

“You expected someone else?”

JAGUARS

———-

DOLPHINS at TITANS

D.T.: What the fuck, NFL. I mean, seriously. Fuckin’… Titans, I suppose? Yeah, that sounds right. Titans. The Dolphins new head coach is doing some fun things with the team like making them run high school drills and making Suh show up just to hold everyone’s water, but like my partner said last week, it’s going to take way more than a Tight End coach (and a bye week) to turn that mess of a team around.

TITANS
BMK: Putin is watching this game himself. Because he’s a sick fuck!

"This guy. This guy, always takes the Titans at home."

“This guy. This guy, always takes the Titans at home.”

TITANS
———-

PANTHERS at SEAHAWKS

D.T.: Why do I feel like we’ve already seen these two teams play? Weird. Anyway, the Seahawks lost to the Bengals last week, who were out to prove that their undefeated season so far is legitimate. They did so in very entertaining fashion, and have sent Seattle back to CenturyLink to lick their wounds at 2-3. Carolina comes to visit this week with a kind of shocking 4-0 record, looking to protect that goose egg they’ve got in their loss column.

Cam Newton's head is also shaped exactly like a goose egg. Conspiracy?!

Cam Newton’s head is also shaped exactly like a goose egg. Conspiracy?!

The Seahawks are discombobulated this season, and their one undeniable strength is Russell Wilson’s ability to scramble and keep a play alive. I feel like their entire team is now dependent on that, and it’s truly dangerous to constantly have your quarterback in that position. It’ll take Wilson getting injured before that coaching staff wakes the fuck up and kicks the shit out of that offensive line. With a Carolina defense that isn’t half bad (currently ranked in the top 10), and eagerly awaiting to return of Luke Kuechly this week, they’ll be all over Wilson. Dude better have that Morphine Drink ready. I say the Panthers cause an upset (would this even be considered an upset?) and land a narrow win in Seattle.

PANTHERS

BMK: I feel like Jules here at the end of Pulp Fiction. See, I want to believe that the Seahawks are on their way down, and that Carolina are going to take them down. But that aint the truth. The truth is that Russell Wilson talks to God on a regular basis, and God apparently tells him to slowly turn into a megadouche head case.  Either way, I don’t see the Panthers winning this game. I’d love to be wrong, but I’m not. Plus I need to make up for my insane Browns pick. So I’m going with the safe bet.

"Nanobubbles, you say?"

“Nanobubbles, you say?”

SEAHAWKS

———-

CHARGERS at PACKERS

D.T.: San Diego, I want that hour and a half I wasted on Monday night back, with interest. You’ve been coasting on Philip Rivers for way too long, you’re underutilizing a stellar runner in Melvin Gordon, and you had Antonio Gates out for entire drives when the man was clearly hungry for a massive return. Your mismanagement matched that of Pittsburgh’s, and you could have won that game with better coaching and play calling. Green Bay is the superior team, and there’s no way San Diego will take a win in Lambeau.

PACKERS

BMK: I feel bad for Philip Rivers.

Wait. No I don’t. F that guy.

But DT was right, that Monday night game was dreadful. Absolutely dreadful.

"I CARE about Philip Rivers!"

“You don’t care about Philip Rivers? Well I CARE about Philip Rivers!”

PACKERS

———-

RAVENS at NINERS

D.T.: A Super Bowl XLVII rematch will fill up the hour of pregame commentary before the kick-off. Even though it feels like 90% of that Super Bowl Niners team is gone. Both of these teams have fallen from grace, and one of them will leave Levi’s Stadium with a 1-5 record. Many were quick to say that perhaps San Francisco is on the upswing after that close loss against the Giants last week.

Those many are mostly Kaepernick's parents. And in case you're wondering about the nose, yes, he was adopted.

Those many are mostly Kaepernick’s parents. And in case you’re wondering about the nose, yes, he was adopted.

I don’t know if I agree with them, but I think the Niners have a genuine chance against the Ravens, who just lost to the BROWNS in a relatively high scoring game. I actually kind of hope the Niners win this one, mostly because the Santa Clara police need a break.

NINERS

BMK: I love this matchup. Because one of these teams has to come away with a win (though, please God, please, let this be a tie…), and not matter who wins, neither is going anywhere but down.  That tickles my black heart.

One thing’s for sure though, no matter what happens during the game, Tomsula is going to spend the afternoon looking like a guy getting a prostate exam.

"No you're not Kat...Nobody likes Tomsula."

“No you’re not Kat…Nobody likes Tomsula.”

NINERS
———-

PATRIOTS at COLTS

D.T.: This one’s not going to be fun, Colts fans. Chuck Pagano’s been talking about how much he liked having Hasselbeck under center, and now the Colts are looking at shifting things around in the Indy offense. Even with Andrew Luck returning from an injury. The last thing that team needs – amongst in-fighting between the coach and general manager – is some kind of bullshit quarterback controversy or a desire to tinker with the offense. You want to tinker with Indianapolis’s offense? Fucking fire Pep Hamilton, install a new offensive coordinator that will play on Andrew Luck’s strengths, and sign some younger, proven talent. Signing old veterans left and right only works if you’ve got a solid coaching staff that understands and can work with the strengths and weaknesses of each player.

You’ve got to pull your shit together, Indy. You’re in for a massive beating from the Patriots this week, and I can’t help but think it’ll drive you even further into madness instead of being the motivation you need to right the ship.

PATRIOTS

BMK: The Patriots are going to destroy the Colts.  Right now they’re 10 point favorites.  I don’t think they’ll win by that big of a margin, but they’re going to win. Brady is playing very well and there isn’t anyone on the Colts defense—nay, THE WORLD—that can stop Gronk. So Brady will just chuck the ball at Gronk and Gronk will score.  Then Tom Brady will go back to his palatial estate and make homeless men fight killer robots while he and his buddy Putin watch and artisanal popcorn.

Do I have to explain this one?

Do I have to explain this one?

PATRIOTS

———-

GIANTS at EAGLES

D.T.: Sam Bradford tossed three nice-looking touchdowns against the Redskins on Sunday, but even that wasn’t enough to force a win against a beatable opponent. Eli Manning matched him with three scoring passes of his own, and only narrowly beat the broken Niners. New York and Philadelphia mirror each other in a lot of ways, this season: old, arguably out of touch head coaches that probably won’t be around much longer, quarterbacks that show signs of greatness on special occasion, and great talent on offenses that struggle to put together drives.

This division is ripe for the taking for either of these two teams, with the Cowboys wounded and the Redskins… doing whatever it is the Redskins are doing.

""Whatever we're doing, we're doin' it cheaply!""

“Whatever we’re doing, we’re doin’ it cheaply!”

But neither seem equipped to make a meaningful surge forward. It’ll be interesting to see which of these teams, somewhat stuck in the mud, will edge out the other in this prime time showing. Each divisional win is a chance to put more distance between themselves and Dallas before Romo returns, and for that reason I’m calling this my Game of the Week. I don’t expect a spectacular game, but it’s definitely the most intriguing. As for who wins? I think the Giants edge out the Eagles by a single possession, mostly because I think the talent New York has on their offense will compensate for the weaknesses elsewhere.

GIANTS

BMK: I aint buying the Eagles. I don’t care how “good” Sam Bradford looked.  The Eagles are crap. I’m sure Chip Kelly is just trolling the league now.

"I told you that once Eli got used to three-step drops that he would excel in Macadoo's system, but you wouldn't stop staring and drooling."

“I told you that once Eli got used to three-step drops that he would excel in Macadoo’s system, but you wouldn’t stop staring and drooling.”

That said, the Giants are looking pretty good. Eli seems to have figured a few things out and is playing much better in Macadoo’s system. After starting 0-2 this year, they might be on their way to winning the division.

GIANTS

———-

The good news is, we’re halfway through October and all that pink shit on the field will soon be gone again. The bad news is, this slump in interesting games won’t end until week eight. But then we’ll see the Seahawks and Cowboys square off in Dallas, and the Packers take on the Broncos at Mile High. In the meantime, Krol and I will continue turning coal into diamonds, shit into gold, and alcohol into entertainment!

"It's more profitable if you just sell the shit, as is."

“It’s more profitable if you just sell the shit, as is.”

Thanks for reading (and listening!) folks!

 

BMK: We’re halfway through October and this month can’t end fast enough. Oi vey.

Podcast will return next week. Hope you all check it out. And thanks for reading and listening.

And with that, here’s your weekly dose of Kat Dennings:

 

15a4fd07421a476a706cc6a48de25bf9e9e985cd59084cb7c91374499446aae7

How I feel about mudslides and LA.

Yeah, yeah, yeah...

Yeah, yeah, yeah…

This was written and compiled listening to the Bouncing Souls, and a little voice in my head saying, “Dude, you need to get this done, DT puts in too much effort every week for you to slack off.”

 

Written by B. Michael Krol

October 18, 2015 at 1:28 am

Posted in Uncategorized

4th and Krol: NFL Picks Week Five

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Week Five: So ALIVE! Yeah, you think of a new one each week, tough guy...

Week Five: So ALIVE!
Yeah, you think of a new one each week, tough guy…

D.T.: We always thought it would be the Jaguars who’d be left in London after one of their snooze-fest International Series appearances. Turns out it’s Joe Philbin of the Miami Dolphins, and deservedly so. The Dolphins jettisoned their head coach (and allegedly their defensive coordinator) after a brutal loss to the Jets on Sunday morning. And that’s not even the biggest scandal of this week! No, the professional, paid-to-know-the-rules NFL referees once again fucked up a Seattle game, in Seattle, IN THE SAME END ZONE. I’ve taken to calling the illegal batting foul “Batgate” and have trademarked the term.

Batman

ESPN and Facebook both already owe me $4 quadzillion dollars, and it’s only been a couple of days. But, until that check comes in, we gotta keep cranking this beast of a column out in hopes that someone besides my dad will see it and make us famous. Because fuck knows our scam to use insider information to score big on DraftKings isn’t going to pan out.
BMK: The Seahawks. Why is it always the goddamn Seahawks.

This is not a good team. By all rights they should be 1-3 and heading into the Queen City, ready for the Ginger of Doom to carve them up. But no. They’re 2-2, still alive in the division, and now I have to hear about how great they are and how wonderful Russell Wilson is.  That guy really grinds my gears.

Anyway…on to the picks!

———-

COLTS at TEXANS

D.T.: We’re starting the week off with a real head-scratcher. The Colts are a real mess, and their only saving grace hasn’t been playing his best football. With him out last week against the Jaguars, the result was a slog of a game that ended with a three-point win over Jacksonville. Luck is supposed to be back under center this week against the Texans, but we’ll see how effective he is. Meanwhile, the Texans were absolutely spanked by the Falcons. Both of these teams are in real trouble, and the fact that it’s a divisional game makes it all the more hard to read.

A poorly-functioning offense with talent and a marquee player leading it vs. a poorly-functioning defense with talent and a marquee player leading it. This one is seriously up for grabs, but I guess I’ll go with Indy.

COLTS

BMK: I’m writing this on Thursday and word has gotten out that Luck isn’t playing and Hassleback might not be playing. So I’m taking the Texans.

Here’s a bit of insider information: DT wrote his portion on Wednesday, so he thought either Luck or Hassleback might be playing QB. A fair man would let him change his pick, but I am a small man. A small and petty man.

TEXANS

This hotdog represents the Colts season. And your penis, according to Freud, but who cares what he thinks since he was a cokehead.

This hotdog represents the Colts season. And your penis, according to Freud. But who cares what he thinks since he was a cokehead. Freud that is, not Jim Irsay. Or, rather, not Irsay this time. Though I’m not sure why anyone would care what Jim Irsay thinks, unless you’re on the Colts payroll, and probably not even then…

Update: I’m finishing this Saturday morning and the Colts won. Goddamn it…

———-

BEARS at CHIEFS

D.T.: There’s several coaches I think are in the hot seat going into week 5, and Chicago’s John Fox is one of them. The man has pretty well proven himself ineffectual unless he’s got a highly-motivated quarterback making him look good. And Cutler ain’t highly motivated.

Seen here, trying to put his helmet on without using his hands.

Seen here, trying to put his helmet on without using his hands.

It’s going to be another bad day for the Bears. Arrowhead is tough to play in for teams that actually communicate on a base level. The mess that is Chicago will barely be able to tell which endzone they’re headed for.

CHIEFS

BMK: I’m not impressed with the Chiefs.  They’re the perfect Andy Reid team: good, not great. That said, Chicago is garbage.  Even with Jay Cutler.

CHIEFS

———-

SEAHAWKS at BENGALS

D.T.: Seattle’s officially on the decline. They barely – barely – eked out a win last week against a Detroit team that’s more deflated than your average Foxborough football. And they even managed to fuck that up at the last second, but got really lucky. Their offensive line is in shambles, and Russell Wilson is going to get himself killed having to compensate.

Nah, it's cool bro! I've got a new-new drink that has no-pain-bubbles. It's called morphine!

Nah, it’s cool bro! I’ve got a new-new drink that has no-pain-bubbles. It’s called morphine!

Their star running back is fighting injury and would rather watch games from a booth instead of the sideline. The Bengals, however, are playing their best football. They look legitimately good, and they’re a great home team. The Bengals are gonna get a nice, huge confidence boost this week and come out 5-0.

BENGALS

BMK: Ugh. Someday this team will get its comeuppance. Seriously, like I mentioned in this week’s podcast (did ya listen? Huh?  Did ya?), this team is 2-0 when the refs are fucking idiots. By all rights, the Seahawks should be 1-3 and on their way to imploding, but nooooooo, the refs had to not know a rule.  And before any of you chuckleheads are like, “Yeah, Krol, like you knew the illegal bat rule,” let me point out a couple of things:

  • You’re an idiot
  • I’m NOT GETTING PAID TO REFEREE FOOTBALL GAMES!

The people in charge should know the rules and should apply them fairly. I get that there are subjective calls (and this aint one of them, hairlip), but the people in charge of the games should know them. Argh!  Good God this team pisses me off. They’re like the Homer Simpson to my Frank Grimes.  Someday…someday they’ll get what’s coming to them.

I hope it’s this Sunday.

BENGALS

Pictured: The Author

Pictured: The Author

———-

REDSKINS at FALCONS

D.T.: Devonta Freeman is just fucking dominating. I was singing his praises last week, and here he comes again with a three touchdown performance against the Texans. The kid is on a mission, and he currently leads the league in touchdowns. The Falcons are hosting their second home game in a row, and unless Matty Ice and the rest of the Dirty Birds are sitting on their laurels and thinking this is an easy match, the Redskins likely don’t stand a chance here.

FALCONS

BMK: The Falcons are surprising me. And after working at Ren Faires for the majority of my adult life, son, I have seen it all.

Anyway, the Redskins suck, so they should lose. Unless something stupid happens.

FALCONS

———-

JAGUARS at BUCCANEERS

D.T.: Yawn. The Jaguars are showing signs of pulling themselves out of that dumpster, but I don’t think Blake Bortles and… whoever else is on that offense… will overcome the Buccaneers defense (which, shockingly, is currently ranked in the top 10). Writing this part of the column, I think this must be how Jay Cutler feels, getting out of bed every day. I just don’t care.

BUCCANEERS

BMK: It’s too early in the goddamn morning to trouble my beautiful mind with this garbage.

JAGUARS

———-

SAINTS at EAGLES

D.T.: Okay, this one does a little something for me. The Saints got that desperately-needed first win of the season, and fought hard for it. Drew Brees hit CJ Spiller with an overtime touchdown pass to put their game against the Cowboys to bed. And that pass happened to be his 400th… AND Brees reached 400 touchdown passes faster than anyone in league history.

AND the motherfucker is Iron Man, and he married Cinderella. Come the fuck on.

AND the motherfucker is Iron Man, and he married Cinderella. Come the fuck on.

It was just as much a moral win as a physical one, and they had to fight both Dallas and themselves to get it. Both the Eagles and Saints are fighting internal battles this season, and that makes this game truly interesting (and probably painful to watch). I expect another very close game with lots of mental errors on both sides, and a struggle until a final field goal in the 4th seals the deal. But who scores that field goal? I think the Saints continue their rebound.

SAINTS

BMK: Our regular reader of this column could tell you that if there’s one thing I hate, it’s the Seahawks. But if I had to choose another thing, it would be conventional wisdom in sports (note: this is tied with Burger King’s Chicken Fries, and just ahead of Climate Change and the Gotham TV show).

This preseason, everyone was going crazy about Chip Kelly. Makes sense I guess. Chip Kelly went all HAM on his team, jettisoning anyone with serious talent while keeping uber douches like Riley Cooper. After all that nonsense, they were successful in the preseason. Which totally violated what was expected, and this caused the Hot Take Express to declare the Eagles THE TEAM TO BEAT in the NFC East. Some dorks actually put them in the Superbowl this year.  But to anyone really paying attention, there was no way this team as constituted were going to beat the Cowboys to win in the NFC East, and if they couldn’t beat the Cowboys, they weren’t going to beat the Packers in the NFC Championship (you know, the actual sane NFC Super Bowl pick).

So where am I going with this?  Shut up, that’s where!

SAINTS

———-

BROWNS at RAVENS

D.T.: The Ravens struggled in Pittsburgh last week, even with Big Ben on the bench. Shit, both teams struggled heavily, and if it weren’t for Josh Scobee being a terrible kicker, the Steelers would have won. Seriously, even Snoop Dogg took to the internet and called Scobee out. I haven’t heard language like that come out Snoop Dogg since the 90s. The dude hangs out with fuckin’ Willie Nelson these days, and Josh Scobee brought the gangster out of him again. Has anyone even heard from Scobee since he was fired? He might be dead.

"I ain't sayin' the mofucka's dead, but... mofucka's dead."

“I ain’t sayin’ the mofucka’s dead, but… mofucka’s dead.”

The Ravens will win, by the way.

RAVENS

BMK: Flacco vs McCown? Baltimore vs Cleveland? Ugh. Someone pass me the goddamn whiskley…

RAVENS

———-

RAMS at PACKERS

D.T.: The Rams are so fucking good at playing the upsetters in divisional games, and struggling everywhere else. How they can switch between beating the Cardinals and Seahawks, then losing to the Redskins is perplexing. They even managed to injure Roethlisberger, and still couldn’t close the deal against the Steelers.

"It was like prom, all over again."

“It was like prom, all over again.”

I’m sure Green Bay’s main priority is protecting Rodgers, and rightfully so, and they’ll need to be careful against that hard-hitting St. Louis defense. Those guys don’t fuck around, and we might even see an end to Rodgers’ no-interception streak at Lambeau. The Pack will come out with the win this week, though. The Rams defense is scary as shit, and Todd Gurley looks to be the real deal, but Green Bay is the better team, and a dynamite home team.

PACKERS

BMK: Okay, this game actually interests me. The Rams are enigmatic, in that they win NFC West games but lose to everyone else.  Personally, I blame Nick Foles. Look at DT’s picture up there. He’s dead behind the eyes.

The Rams have some weapons on offense, and their defense is formidable.  But they need to start winning games to get any serious respect in the league. I don’t expect them to win this game.   The Rams needed the Cardinals to cough the ball up three times to win, and the last time Aaron Rodgers threw an interception at home Jeff Freakin Saturday was the center. That said, I’ll be interested to see how the Rams defense handles Rodgers.

RAMS
———-

BILLS at TITANS

D.T.: I’m still not convinced the Bills are a decent team, yet. They’ve shown some fire, but I think they’re running on pure bravado and enthusiasm (with a little help from an okay quarterback in Tyrod Taylor).

"Actually D.T., we're running on pure fuck you."

“Actually D.T., we’re running on pure fuck you.”

They had that devastating win against the Dolphins, but that’s shown to be not that impressive a feat. No, they still have a long ways to go before they can be called legitimately good, and last week’s loss against the Giants in rather unceremonious fashion proved that. But, the Titans aren’t really any good, either. I think the Bills’ aggression wins out, and they pressure Mariota into mistakes that cost the Titans.

BILLS

BMK: When the whole foot fetish thing exploded on Rex Ryan, do you think Quentin Tarantino sent him a kind note in solidarity?

That’s all I got for this game.

BILLS

DON’T drag me into your sewer, Krol.

DON’T drag me into your sewer, Krol.

———-

CARDINALS at LIONS

D.T.: The Lions are a good home team. That’s pretty much all that keeps their coaching staff from being fired, and the team itself from imploding. Last week’s showing against the Seahawks was laughable. The defense managed to sack Russell Wilson a good number of times, but whenever he’d manage to scramble away, he’d find all of his receivers wide open. Why? Because the Lions’ defensive backs had already stopped moving and were standing still. Every time. The Lions offense is struggling, Calvin Johnson isn’t making the comeback we thought he would, and their defense was effective against a Seattle offensive line that’s in shambles.

The Cardinals, on the other hand, have a solid offensive line that’s getting even better with the return of Mike Iupati. Their defense is playing lights out, and the lethargic Lions aren’t going to be able to match the energy on either side of the ball.

CARDINALS
BMK: The Lions are one of those teams that’s mired in mediocrity. They have Calvin Johnson and Safford, who is not a bad QB by any stretch of the imagination.  But their time passed. I expect the Cardinals to take care of business this week, especially after the Rams cleaning their collective clocks last week.

Sub-question: did people ever like, literally, clean clocks?

CARDINALS
———-

PATRIOTS at COWBOYS

D.T.: Oh, fuck. Patriots, by at least two touchdowns.

PATRIOTS
BMK: I concur.

PATRIOTS
———-

BRONCOS at RAIDERS

D.T.: One of the great, all-time rivalries in Football. Or at least it was, 20 years ago. However, the Raiders are doing sort of okay, and this might be the first interesting match-up these two teams have had in years. Derek Carr and Amari Cooper are the best thing the Raiders have had going in who can remember how long. But, despite the efforts of Khalil Mack, the Oakland defense is still one of the worst in the NFL, and they’re likely to struggle even against Peyton’s tired arm and a Denver running game dealing with injury. It’s the Broncos with the win, and they’ll achieve a somewhat perplexing 5-0 record this week.

BRONCOS

BMK: This game is happening at the wrong time. People out here in the East Bay are excited about the Raiders, and now it’ll set me back 90 clams just to get in the door to see this game. Last year at this time, a sandwich or some meth would get you field level 50 yard line tickets. Looks like I’m hosed.

Anyway, I don’t think the Raiders are good enough to handle the Denver defense, and the Raiders are too young of a team to handle Manning’s cerebral approach to football. When you play a cat like that, you need to have your shit wired tight. These guys aint there yet. That said, I wouldn’t be surprised at an upset, either. The Del Raiders are heading in the right direction.

Get it? Del Raiders? Cause their coach is Jack Del Rio and the Raiders are his…

“Don’t, Krol.”

“Don’t, Krol.”

Okay, okay…

BRONCOS

———-

NINERS at GIANTS

D.T.: I just feel bad for Kaepernick. I dislike the Niners as much as the next non-Niners fan (or after last week, the next Niners fan), but ol’ Kaep went from being the big man on campus to being the awkward guy all the football players pick on. It’s one thing for guys like Clay Matthews to knock you around on the field, but to start getting teased with no recourse is just depressing as hell to watch. The schadenfreude has turned into… dare I say, sympathy at this point.

Guy on the left fell asleep trying to figure out what schadenfreude means. Guy on the left is calling mom to say he'll be late for dinner because he has to stab me.

Guy on the left fell asleep trying to figure out what schadenfreude means. Guy on the left is calling mom to say he’ll be late for dinner because he has to stab me.

The Giants are still iffy, but not nearly as iffy as the mess San Francisco has become. They’re in for a nice home win this week, and maybe Eli will actually smile and look like anything other than an 8 year old who just woke up from a nap.

GIANTS

BMK: This is my hate watch of the week. The Giants are irritating and the 49ers are irritating.  Whoever wins this game, their season is still over. Next year Bicep Boy will be a backup in Oakland and Tomsula will be in over his head somewhere else. And the decades long rebuilding process will continue until Jed York finds something else to do or is lynched.

GIANTS

———-

STEELERS at CHARGERS

D.T.: A dud of a week ends with a real dud of a Monday Night game.

"..."

“…”

The Roethlisless Steelers take on the Chargers in San Diego, who herald the return of Antonio Gates. Philip Rivers is quietly having a successful season, despite the Chargers being 2-2, and the return of his BFF will only work to boost his effectiveness. There’s not really much else to say about this game — and I imagine Jon Gruden and Mike Tirico won’t have much, either. Expect lots of speculation on Mike Vick, more talk about what a great athlete he is as he gets sacked because he has no pocket awareness, and how he’s turned his life around. Blah, blah, blah.

Make the game more interesting and enjoyable by drinking every time Gruden says ‘Scuse me, Mike.

BMK: I’m taking the Chargers. Fuck Vick.

—–

D.T.: And there you have it! We managed to squeeze a halfway decent column out of a terrible week of football. Next week, is… oh, holy shit. Texans at Jaguars? Dolphins at Titans? Bears at Lions?! Who the fuck designs these schedules, and when did they completely give up? Krol, we’re writing next week’s column while high on some of Russell Wilson’s morphine drink.

 

"It's super sweet, dudes! I lost to the Rams, and the next day I felt fine!"

“It’s super sweet, dudes! I lost to the Rams, and the next day I felt fine!”

BMK: DT’s right, this week’s games stink. But you know what doesn’t stink? The 4th and Krol Podcast! Check it out at BMichaelKrol.com. The ONLY website you’ll ever need…if you need infrequently updated snark and the occasional sports take…

 

Your weekly dose of Kat Dennings

Your weekly dose of Kat Dennings

This post was written and compiled while listening to One Hot Minute by the Red Hot Chili Peppers and the new David Gilmore Album, because I hate myself.

Inaugural 4th And Krol Podcast

with one comment

DT and I are doing a podcast as a companion to the NFL Pick columns.  Although it’s not exclusively about sports, the NFL tends to dominate the conversation. Anyway, give it a listen and enjoy my sexy dulcet tones.  And DT too, I guess.

It’s linked below. Hopefully soon we’ll be on the iTunes. Unless they’re still mad at me for making fun of Steve Jobs…

Update: Apparently I’m about as good as an audio engineer as I am football prognosticator.  This should be fixed now.  Enjoy!

Written by B. Michael Krol

October 9, 2015 at 10:04 pm