Ruminations, etc..

Here We Go…

BMK: Our longtime reader may have noticed a different logo this week.  To him/her I say: you’re right! We’ve changed the name of the column.

There isn’t any exciting reason why we changed the name beyond the fact that the original site where NFL Tackle appeared had no real desire to keep publishing it.  DT and I like writing this column and so we decided to keep working together. However, neither one of us felt comfortable keeping the NFL Tackle name so we decided to change it.  See? Simple story.  If only Brady had taken that approach several months ago…

Anyway, the plan is to slowly ramp up an empire that will result in DT and I being wealthy enough to buy ESPN.  And while we’re executing that plan, we’ll still be writing this column, under this name, for the foreseeable future. We’re also planning a podcast to discuss the NFL week that was and any other silly thing that crosses our domes.  So, if you like what we’re doing here, rest assured there will be more. If you don’t like it, then screw you.

D.T.: Well… that was a hell of a first week of football. Overall, I think we were pretty damned accurate, aside from the crazy shit that no one could have predicted. Like Marcus Mariota absolutely wrecking Tampa with only 16 passes, and Andrew Luck forgetting it was Football Day.

“Sorry, dudes… by the way, where’s Trent?”

So, while Tennessee starts building their Church of Mariota, and San Francisco pretends that Monday night’s hysterical display of ineptitude from both SF and Minnesota is proof that they’re not as bad as we thought they would be, we’re back at it!

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BRONCOS AT CHIEFS

D.T.: Alright, I’m officially getting nervous. Peyton played off the Broncos’ poor performance on Sunday with his usual Southern charm and sarcasm, but he’s failed to throw a touchdown pass in his last FIVE regular season games. Alex Smith, however, finally threw a touchdown pass for the first time in over a SEASON and looked pretty good doing it, overcoming Houston’s tough defense and winning by seven points.

Thursday Night Football is going to be rough on the Broncos, who are on the road in a divisional match-up just four days after their season opener. Unless Manning has worked out the kinks, this one will play out for both teams the same way their week one games did: Broncos will attempt to compensate on defense, and the Chiefs will look for ways to keep the passing streak alive. Kansas City is surprisingly hard to play in, and the Broncos always struggle there. I see the Chiefs taking it by a narrow margin.

CHIEFS

BMK: Today I have come to bury Manning, not praise him.  What we’re witnessing is the slow death of one of the great ones. Unfortunately, he was cut down by physical maladies.  If he wasn’t, who knows how many more years Peyton Manning could continue to lose in the post-season.

This stop on the Manning retirement tour will not go well for Denver. The dude is done,and Denver doesn’t have much besides Manning.  And Talib can’t have a pick-six every game…or can he?

He can’t.

CHIEFS

I did a Google search image for Sad Peyton Manning and this came up…

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TEXANS at PANTHERS

D.T.: Last week I predicted an upset, and early on, it looked like I might have been right. But, Jaguars will be Jaguars, and the Panthers shut them down with a 20-9 win. However, Cam Newton and his lacking receiving corps are going to find themselves in a very different situation against the Texans defense. J.J. Watt came out of last week with two sacks and nine tackles. His razor-sharp focus will be solely on shutting down Cam Newton…

I mean seriously: he’s still trying to maintain eye contact. Talk about focus.

…and even Cam’s dad can’t pay his way out of this one. And with Luke Kuechly likely sidelined on Sunday, the Texans take this one.

TEXANS

BMK: A lot of the national media have picked the Panthers to win.  I don’t get it. The Panthers offense is in the toilet and they’re about to face a very good front seven.  Maybe it’s because the Texan’s offense is just slightly out of the toilet?

I don’t know. All I know is this will be one crappy game to watch.

See what I did there?

See?

TEXANS
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NINERS AT STEELERS

D.T.: During Monday night’s travesty and affront to the Football Gods, Carlos Hyde ended up looking like he was in one of those commercials where a pro athlete is goofing off with a bunch of kids. You know how football games have highlights? This one had highlight. Singular. Look at this:

Yeah, it was a sick move, but look how utterly lost everyone else on the field looks.

Niners Fans, after finishing their parking lot fights and dusting themselves off, have declared Monday night a wake-up call for the rest of the league that their funny-at-first-then-painful-to-watch offseason is a thing of the past, and they’ll be just fine. Bullshit. They’re playing an actual, honest to goodness Professional Football Team this week, and if they think Cheeseburger and Antonio Brown aren’t going to eat the SF defense alive, they’re even more delusional than we’ve been led to believe.

STEELERS

BMK: I live in the Bay Area, and my God, you should have heard the 49er fans warbling on about their victory over the Vikings.  You’d think these clowns took down the 85 Bears.

Listen up Sizzle Chest: MN is a mess and had the 49ers faced a vaguely competent team, that game would have been over in the first half.

Face the facts.  Your team’s flirtation with respectability is over. Get used to being in the cellar of the NFC West. Again.

STEELERS

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BUCCANEERS AT SAINTS

D.T.: We all thought Jameis Winston – with the slightly better overall team surrounding him – would be the rookie QB to put on the better showing on Sunday. Instead, he looked rattled, ill-at-ease and defeated by the end of the day. This week, he’s visiting the Mercedez-Benz Superdome which, if it were any darker and more green would look like the fucking Matrix.

Winston is going to need night vision goggles just to overthrow his receivers.

The Saints are a decent home team, and will be looking to bounce back after losing to Arizona in week one. I say they do it.

SAINTS
BMK: Drew Brees had a decent outing last week, despite losing the game. Like DT, I think they come back and win since they’re at home and the Buccaneers aren’t good.

SAINTS
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LIONS AT VIKINGS

D.T.: The other half of the Worst Football Game Ever™, the Vikings get to host a divisional rival after a humiliating loss in week one. That’s like accidentally shitting your pants in school and having the only person you run into on your way to the parking lot be the school bully. Things are only going to get more shitty for the Vikings in week 2.

The Lions failed to contain the Chargers as they rallied for a comeback win, and Stafford wasn’t able to connect with an oft-double-covered Megatron. After seeing Minnesota’s display last week, I’d expect them to quadruple cover Megatron, and still allow him to break away and score. Lions get an early boost this week to help them chase the Packers in the NFC North.

LIONS
BMK: Colin Kaepernick picked apart the Vikings. Colin Freakin’ Kaepernick.  Can you imagine what a good quarterback would do to that defense?  Luckily you won’t have to. Just tune into this game on Sunday. Or, be like most of America, and don’t.

LIONS
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CARDINALS AT BEARS

D.T.: The Bears didn’t look terribly bad in week one, and actually held their own pretty well against the Green Bay Packers. They ran out of steam in the end however, and let Rodgers close out the game with a nice TD pass to Cobb and let the world know that they’ll be just fine, even without Jordy Nelson.

The Cardinals defense had a hitch in their step in week one against Drew Brees’ offense, but this week… well, we’re talking about Jay Cutler. I’d say that offense needs a real shot in the arm, but Cutler’s a notorious anti-vaxxer, so I guess they’re fucked.

Cutler: “Personal foul on D.T. for roughing the passer”
Ref: “Shut the fuck up, Jay.”

The Cardinals compensated well for losing Running Back Andre Ellington, and Carson Palmer’s offense looks sharp. Arizona’s real weakness will come from covering Martellus Bennett and while the Bears will likely look to exploit that, Arizona will come out of Chi-Town with a 2-0 record.

CARDINALS

BMK: So I picked the Cardinals and they won. For a while, it didn’t look good. We can apparently add screen passes to the list of things the Cardinals can’t defend against.  That said, the Cardinals shut down the New Orleans rushing attack and did enough to Drew Brees to keep the Saints from winning.  This week, they’re facing Jay Cutler, who’s not a great Quarterback. Even Geno Smith laughs at Jay Cutler (albeit, through his clenched jaw). But, the Bears have a great TE and pretty decent RB. Whether the Cardinals succeed this week will be dependent on doing what no NFL team can do anymore, which is stop a tight-end.  I’m not optimistic.

But I’m not fatalistic either.

CARDINALS
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PATRIOTS AT BILLS

D.T.: What the fuck happened in Indy last week? I mean seriously. Are the Bills a legitimate team this year, or was it all a freak occurrence? We’ll see when they host divisional rivals the New England Patriots this Sunday. Nasty-looking defense versus an offense of… well, let’s just say questionable ethics, in a grudge match. One thing’s for sure, this division needs to be flipped upside down, and if the Bills manage to pull a win they’ll shatter the egos of Patriots fans everywhere, but do football fans in general a service by making things more interesting in that part of the country.

Nah.

“YOU MOTHERF–“

PATRIOTS

BMK:

Hey! My Man Krol’s gonna pick us, right?

No.

You bastard…

PATRIOTS

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CHARGERS AT BENGALS

D.T.: The Chargers rallied against the Lions in what ended up being a pretty decent game, while the Bengals humiliated the Raiders while everyone kind of shrugged and said “Yeah, and?” Still, the Chargers suffered injury to their offensive line, and the Bengals’ defense is looking pretty good. It’s a game that’s hard to get excited about unless you have a vested interest in either team, but I think one might actually turn into a tussle worth paying attention to. Bengals are decent enough at home to stick out a win here.

BENGALS

BMK: Philip Rivers vs Andy Dalton? What a snoozefest.  This is the Ned Flanders of football games. Watching this game means you’re a degenerate football junkie. Betting on this game means you need help. Bad.

BENGALS

        You just made some powerful enemies, Krol…

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TITANS AT BROWNS

D.T.: Marcus Mariota’s eventually going to come up against a worthy opponent in week 3 when he meets the Colts (though if week one for Indy was any indication, maybe not). Kid better be careful, or he’s going to get a big head, winning all these easy games early in his first year.

Johnny Manziel vs. What Cleveland Hoped Manziel Would Be.

TITANS

BMK: Before everyone jumps on the Titans bandwagon, let me remind you all that there is a reason they had the second overall draft pick last year.  Football teams don’t change overnight.

So what’s going to win out here?  The Titans who are still pretty bad, Mariota’s excellent game against the Buccaneers notwithstanding, or Cleveland being Cleveland. This is the irresistible suck meeting the immovable sucking.
If the Browns had Josh McCown starting I’d like their chances.  Which is the first time in the history of the human race someone wrote that sentence and was sincere.  Here’s another sentence no one has ever written before: Giant Antarctic penguins think Neil Peart is a pussy.

TITANS
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FALCONS AT GIANTS

D.T.: I sense another wacky game on the horizon. This one will play out like both teams’ week one games. A shoot-out till the end where it comes down to clock management .The Falcons succeed when it gets to that point, while Tom Coughlin’s medication starts to wear off, and he forgets where he is.

“What the fuck are you all doing on my lawn?!”

FALCONS
BMK: Matt Ryan is the vanilla ice cream of Quarterbacks: sure, it gets the job done, but are you really satisfied?

Yeah, the Falcons won on Monday and the Giants lost but who cares? Week One is almost as bad as the preseason when it comes to determining overall outcomes.

I’m taking the Giants at home.  Mostly because I’ve been sitting here for five minutes trying to decide what to say about this game, and that’s more time than Eli Manning deserves in my beautiful mind.

GIANTS

Jerome Boger is flagging DT for using the obvious Tom Coughlin is old joke…

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RAMS AT REDSKINS

D.T.: The Rams and Seahawks ended up being the game I knew it would be, and a bitter fight until the end. The Rams won’t find nearly as much resistance in DC, and with Bradford out in Philly, the Rams don’t have to worry about their QB running in the exhausted quarry Dan Snyder calls a stadium, and ruining his knees again. Rams look fucking tough this year, and the Redskins look… about the same as always.

RAMS

BMK: The Rams are going to be a tough-out for anyone this year, even with Generic White Guy Foles behind center.

His a fun bit of behind the scenes trivia: I was going to Google who the Redskins starting quarterback is since I don’t know it off the top of my head, but then I realized it doesn’t fucking matter.

RAMS

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DOLPHINS AT JAGUARS

D.T.: Sorry, Jags. I gave you a shot last week against a team on the ropes, and you dropped the ball. Got no hope for you this week.

DOLPHINS

BMK: Florida is like Texas, only without all the brainiacs.

DOLPHINS

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RAVENS AT RAIDERS

D.T.: Fuck me, the 4:05 EST block of games on Sunday is shaping up to be a real pile of shit.

RAVENS

BMK: I picked the Raiders last week because I was seduced by the preseason.  I learned my lesson.

RAVENS

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COWBOYS AT EAGLES

D.T.: Now we’re talkin’. The saving grace of the late afternoon Sunday games, and my personal choice for GAME OF THE WEEK. In week one, the Cowboys lost Wide Receiver Dez Bryant to a broken foot, possibly until the last few weeks of the season. Still, Romo showed a clutch display of daring and precision and led the team nearly the entire length of the field in Dallas to close out a tough game against the Giants, who forgot the fundamentals of clock management. Where that Tony Romo was the rest of the game remains a mystery.

“And then I was like, WAIT A SECOND! I KNOW HOW TO FOOTBALL!”

Sam Bradford looked okay last week against the Falcons, but the Eagles have a lot of problems to try and sort out, not least of all Kicker Cody Parkey, who seems to be struggling with the new kicking rules in the NFL. Take the easiest job in the league and make it a little more difficult, and suddenly it’s actually a challenge. The Eagles made some killer plays though, and I want to point out Kiko Alonso’s spectacular interception, because it was every bit the spectacle as OBJ’s touchdown pass, but I can’t help but think we’ll never hear about it again.

As for the outcome of this game, it’s tough to say and that’s the hallmark of a great match-up. If we see Clutch Romo come out of that tunnel and command the game like he did that final drive of week one, then it goes to the Cowboys. If we see him falter, I see the Eagles offense correcting past mistakes and securing a home win. I’ll give the Eagles the edge here.

EAGLES
BMK: To echo my comrade-in-virtual-arms, this is a good matchup.  I’m not on the Eagles bandwagon, especially with Bradford as the QB.

Normally I’d go with the home team, but Romo is a far superior quarterback than Bradford, and he engineered a marvelous drive without Dez Bryant. Romo is going to pick apart the Eagles secondary and their pass rush isn’t getting past one of the best offensive lines in football.

COWBOYS
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SEAHAWKS AT PACKERS:

D.T.: Kam Chancellor’s hold-out continues, as Seattle moves on from their narrow divisional loss to the Rams and towards Green Bay. These two teams have had explosive, unpredictable games in recent years, and with the uncertainty surrounding both, this will be no different. With Jordy Nelson out, the Legion of Boom will have some real choices to make on who their backfield will cover, and Aaron Rodgers can use that to his advantage. The man is damn-near unstoppable in Lambeau, having not thrown an interception at home since 2012. With a reduced Seattle defense due to a certain someone’s greediness, A-Rod will look to keep that streak alive.

This is going to be a close game. It might even be a damn good game, with both of these teams coming in fairly fresh, in perfect football weather, and both with something to prove. In the end, I say Rodgers and the Packers prevail by a narrow margin.

PACKERS

BMK: This is my game of the week.  I’m very interested to see how the Seahawks bounce back from their loss at St. Louis. I’m not ready to completely write off the Seahawks yet, but I do think they’ll take a step backwards this year, especially with Chancellor holding out (a situation thornier than the Cuban Missile crisis…but with much, much lower stakes).

The Rams demonstrated last week what everyone should realize by now, and that is Russell Wilson cannot beat you on his own. He needs help, and when the Rams took away Marshawn Lynch, he didn’t have that help and things got back. Now, the Rams have one of the best defensive front sevens in all of the NFL (maybe even the world!), and the Seahawks are weak up front, especially in the interior of the line. So did they lose because the Rams strength overtook Seattle’s weakness? Or is something more rotten than Soundgarden up in the Pacific Northwest?  Only time—and this game—will tell.

I’m picking the Packers this week because Seattle’s secondary isn’t what it used to be and Aaron Rodgers is an amazing QB, especially at home (seriously, you should try his scones!). But I’m less confident about this pick because their defense consists of Clay Mathews and a bunch of guys. But I want to make my friend Dave Bushey happy, so I’m sticking with the Pack.

PACKERS

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JETS AT COLTS

D.T.: Whereas the Cowboys/Eagles game is hard to predict because both teams are decent and evenly-matched, the Jets and Colts game is hard to predict because who the fuck knows which version of these two teams will show up. The Jets destroyed the Browns last week, but y’know… big deal. I think the Colts severely underestimated the Bills and failed to adjust their gameplan. I bet they’ll spend all of this week studying the Jets’ game film, and will come prepared. If they lose to the Jets in their home opener after that awful display, there will be hell to pay for Chuck Pagano.

And I wouldn’t want this fuckin’ nutcase pissed at me.

COLTS

BMK: I think Andrew Luck is a beast, but that game last week shook my confidence in the man. That said, they bounce back this week.

COLTS

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D.T.: And so ends the NFL TACKLE, and so begins 4TH & KROL. The king is dead, long live the king. I feel like we’re experiencing some growth and progress, and actually getting better at this, as opposed to the Washington Redskins. I’m psyched to see how week to plays out, and where these early-emerging storylines take us in the coming weeks.

BMK: Here endeth the picks. This week has some real snoozer matchups. Next week should be better…right?

Next week, look for the debut of the 4th and Krol Podcast.  DT and I will be recording it on Tuesday and hopefully we’ll have it posted somewhere on Wednesday. WATCH THIS SPACE FOR DETAILS!

Well, maybe not this space specifically, but you get what I mean.

By the way, looks who’s leading.

That’s a pretty commanding lead, aint it?

And finally…

No, this isn’t a candid shot. I keep those on my special hard drive.

This post was written and compiled listening to the Violent Femmes discography and the wailing of my teenage soul.